Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Goin' All Bridezilla on My Groom's Lazy Ass

I get it. I get the whole "bridezilla" thing - not so much the, "if my effing bridesmaids don't have effing matching shoes, effing matching hair, effing matching dresses and effing matching thongs, I'm going to effing-O-M-G-explode!" NO. That kinda bridezilla is just plain-ass-CRAZY, and never acceptable. Ever. But I totally get the kind of bridezilla that just wants her ideas to be carefully considered and have her efforts be appreciated. Look, man, there's A LOT of crap that goes into planning a wedding. Every wedding related decision I make is a direct personal reflection of my taste, my desires, and my worldview. So when someone opposes one of said ideas or just dismisses it without offering a counter idea or constructive criticism, I can take it personally because I took the time and energy to think it through and plan it.

For example, I told Mike the other night that the O Hotel is going to charge $119.00 a night for the hotel block. He then proceeded to say, "That's too much. Ask for a better rate." So, I was like, "Sure. Yeah. I can email them." So I did. And unfortunately, the $119/night rate still stands. I told this to Mike last night and he just said dismissively, "Well then you need to find another hotel."

I just stood there defeated and quite frankly pretty pissed. I was like, "What'd you just say, bro? That I need to find another hotel? Me ALONE? After I've scoured downtown to find the perfect alternative to The "totally-booked" Standard Hotel, and put forth all my time and energy into finding a place that would be within walking distance of the rehearsal dinner site, AND be located on an easy public transpo route to the venue. You think that's easy? You think that doesn't take time? I have a 50 hour a week job AND I'm working on outside projects simultaneously AND I've managed to find time to do all this wedding sh-t while you've been sitting bitch in the backseat gettin' all the milk for free! And it's not just finding the hotel! It's EVERYTING ELSE TOO!"

So yeah I kinda blew up at him - went all "bridezilla" on his ass. But I got exactly the reaction I wanted from him. He immediately got it. He totally got the fact that, "Ok. We're heading into the planning portion where I really need to step the EFF up. Britt's no longer just looking at color palettes or mulling over centerpiece ideas. It's decision time. And I need to make the effort to be an active part of it."

I sighed a HUGE sigh of relief. "Yay! Thank you for reminding me why I love you! And why spending waaaaaaaay too much time planning the details of this wedding will all pay off in the end! Yay!"

So here we are. 9 months away from the day. And to begin to make up for his lack of planning help, Mike has assured me he will get on the horn and find a cheaper hotel in addition to The O Hotel (we should have two hotel block options anyway). AND to avoid these altercations in the future, we are going to design a system for properly and efficiently delegating wedding tasks to one another. I'm going to buy a large wall calendar, hang it by the desk, and write in specific tasks that we need each other to do that day. If either of us don't get around to it, or need more time, we will cross it off, and write it down to do another day. But the point is that the "to-do's" never leave the calendar unless they are completed. I'm hoping this works for us. Fingers crossed!

Now I KNOW you dudes have stuff to say on this matter. How's the wedding planning been going for you and your partner? Having similar issues? How did you two deal?

*That's a pic of my lazy groom and our lazy cat, Moe. See how LAZY they are! ;)


  1. Aw, your hubby and kitty are so cute! It sounds like you guys are on the right track though to getting stuff done together though. For us, I'm pretty much doing all the planning and decision making, but consulting him on if he wants in on any of the decisions (mostly he doesn't care). But I have been delegating projects to him like helping make our 6' cupcake tower, and making hundreds of punched paper flowers. Once we get a couple months closer, he'll also get to help more....with the paying for stuff! ;)

  2. Totally had the same conversation SEVERAL times. Even though we set deadlines and agreed to do things, it always ended up with me doing it because he was just as lazy. Here's the best part though - since the wedding, he's done ALL the bullshit clean up stuff. I ask him to do something like find a home for all the bud vases I plan to sell. He starts to complain and I raise my eyebrows and say very calmly, "Really? Really? Who did all the leg work to find those bud vases at the best possible price? Who unpacked them and repacked them and delivered them to the florist in the rain the weekend before the wedding? Really?"

    Now, he just does all the clean up stuff without batting an eyelash. It's awesome.

  3. We're getting to this point too, where we need to make decisions about all MY research and effort. I definitely have moments of resentment, like "don't you KNOW how easy this is for you? I've sifted through a bazillion websites and planning resources to pull together good options for us and then you just dismiss everything without offering counter solutions? BAH." Good on you for sticking up for yourself.

    Context is everything. Make him do the hotel research himself (he'll quickly realize what a freaking DEAL $119 is in LA. Like a freaking AMAZING deal. I paid more than that for a mid-range hotel in Detroit last year, so he should quickly get the picture.) Once he has that context, he'll kiss the ground you walk on again. (When J saw my venue spreadsheet he went pale and any misgivings about our site disappeared.)

  4. I'm the planner in our family. When we move, I find the place where we will live. I figure out where we will stay during our vacations. I research various brands before we make a major new purchase. It can be annoying, especially when he veteos my researched suggestions. But on the other hand, I mostly enjoy doing these things. And he ends up doing the things I don't enjoy: haggling over the price of the rent with our new landlord, checking in with the snotty reception lady, installing the new TV. I think you just have to find a balance that works for you both.

    P.S. Is $119 really too expensive? For L.A.? I thought that was dirt cheap. In Miami, I am having troubled finding a nice hotel for less than $160 for May.

  5. OMG this morning I read your post and thought to myself Eric and I have totally gotten past the fighting about wedding planning stage. Fast forward to this afternoon after an epic fight on Facebook Chat (I KNOW THIS IS RIDICULOUS!) about calling the caterer to get a new quote. I can't believe guys sometimes. You ask them for one thing because you have 30 other things to do and they act like it can wait 2 months.

    BTW $119/night is effing amazing. Especially for such a peak tourism time of the year. He will soon find out. We could only get ours to $139/night and that is in the dead of winter!

  6. I am laughing at (and loving) your post! I totally relate to you and all the girls comments above...I have been in exactly the same shoes...what is it with these guys? And yes, Jenn...everything I ask my fiance to do can wait...until when? Like a week before the stupid wedding? UGH! Fortunately, I know that with all of the obsessing I have done over wedding deets and all of the comments he makes about how ridiculous I am being, come wedding day all he will do is rave to every single person within a 2 foot radius of him about how amazing I am and what an awesome freakin' planner I am! That's why I love him...he flips out on me but in the end realizes that he's lucky to have me :) Can't wait to read more of your stuff...I totally relate to you.

  7. Me (and 98% of other ladies)!

    The awesome thing is that your guy RECOGNIZED and owned up. The Mr. also didn't realize how much work I was doing, but he was great at taking charge of his own things - slideshow, music, etc. Sometimes guys need a swift kick in the pants.

    Found your blog through new blogger buddy Cupcake wedding, love the bowie awesomeness and can't wait to hear more.

    Oh, your cat is a total cutie btw!

  8. I can totally relate. I blew a massive fuse the other night when my Mr. told me he was going to buy a brand spankin' new dirtbike when we're trying to save for a wedding. Whoah, he got it. I could have argued rationally and still won. But the 'zilla came out full force. And i feel so okay with it.
    Luckily he's been pretty helpful with other stuff. But we're still 8 months out. I'll try to keep the beast at bay

  9. Well my fiance is doing next to nothing for our wedding and its TWO WEEKS away, I mean he doesnt even know what is happening and is busy hanging out with his mates and training. Sooo lazy!! I pray I survive without throttling him!