Friday, December 4, 2009

I Will Participate in the Father/Daughter Dance

Not because the bride is supposed to. Or because it'll be our last dance before my husband takes the reigns and becomes "responsible" for me. No. F-ck those reasons. I will dance with my father at my wedding because I love him and want him to feel special and, well honestly, WHY THE HELL WOULD I NOT DANCE WITH HIM AT MY WEDDING? The traditional meaning of the Father/Daughter dance doesn't mean jacksh-t to me. So I made up some new reasons.

I want to dance with my Father at my wedding because:
  1. He has ALWAYS inspired me to create - whether it be playing an instrument, writing music, singing, screenwriting, acting, you name it. And given the fact that I work in a creative industry now and I never gave up on "the dream" of getting there, I would be lost without his encouragement and inspiration all these years.
  2. He always read to me and encouraged me to love reading. So much so that he got me reading Tolkein at the age of 9. I majored in English because of him. And my love of books, writing, and reading eventually inspired me to become a professional writer. I was able to discover and fully embrace my passion for writing because of my father's encouragement, and I couldn't be more thankful for that.
  3. He is THE reason for my awesome taste in music. I knew every Neil Young album by heart before I was even a teenager. Music is such a huge part of my life. My Dad also introduced me to one of the greatest prog rock bands of all time: YES. He took me to see them four times as a teen and their music has truly impacted my life and the way I view the world.
  4. He's one of my favorite drinking buddies. (That's HUGE in my book lol)
  5. We would pick a BOMB-ASS song to dance to. Something that has meant a great deal to he and I over the years. Did I mention how much we love music? ha.
So for these reasons, I WILL dance with my father at my wedding. But here's my concern: What about Mom? My Mom has done so many amazing things for me and has shaped the person I am today just as much as my father has...so why doesn't she get a public display of my love for her too? SO, since The Bowie Bride is all about creating your own wedding traditions, I thought this forum would be the perfect place to discuss/share ideas on this matter.

So my first question is this: Are you doing the Father/Daughter Dance? Why or why not?

And my next question is: Are you doing anything special for Mom (or for anyone one else that has shaped you over the years) during the wedding?

Need ideas! I have a feeling a lot of my fellow brides out there want to do something special for their mothers too, so I'd love to compile some ideas and do a future post on it. So let's rock, yo!

Posted by Britt Hollenbrau at 11:23 AM
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10 comments:

  1. I agree with trashing archaic traditions that have no place in your life {there will be NO garters or flowers thrown at my single friends...Beyonce', be damned}. I AM TOTALLY doing the father-daughter dance because my dad also turned me on to great music {blues, jazz, funk} AND he's the first man who told me I was beautiful and smart and encouraged me to wait on marriage until I found someone worthy of my time and my love...so Daddy and I will be getting down, getting funky, and getting loose on the dancefloor!

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  2. I actually really want to do the father/daughter dance only because one of my first and favorite memories is dancing with my dad (my feet on his feet) to Uptown Girl by Billy Joel. I have no idea if HE even remembers that but I have my heart set on dancing to that song. The only problem is there can't be a mother/son dance for Bill and I don't want his mom to feel sad about that. I think I'll just put Uptown Girl on and ask my dad to dance with me without making a big to-do out of the situation.

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  3. I'm with Emilia - J's mom can't do a mother/son dance. Add to that the fact that my Dad has two left feet and we're nixing the public fist dance stuff altogether. I'll just dance with my Dad in the middle of a general number because I want to share specifically special moments with him. We can do that without everyone staring, which might make both of us happier anyhow.

    Interesting point - there aren't any real daughter-mother moments built into the perceived traditional wedding. Sad lack of respect for our mothers, I'd say.

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  4. The reason that there are no typically no mother-daughter moments in the traditional wedding is because, of course, the mother and daughter are meant to acknowledge this event as one where the bride leaves her family behind to join that of her husband. Tradition fundamentally takes the bride and deposits her with a new family, her birth family sending her forth to take the name of her husband, to bear children that will carry his name, and to live in his family's home.

    This is a seriously antiquated way of viewing things, but those are the reasons that a mother-daughter moment isn't really in the wedding ceremony or reception.

    I say make your own, Britt. Maybe have your dad AND your mom walk you down the aisle, if you are in fact holding to that ceremonial tradition?
    Or maybe - maybe - instead of tossing the bouquet like so many brides do, present it to your mom?

    I believe I also mentioned, when I get married, as a tribute to Megan, I'm walking down the aisle to Vitamin String Quartet's "Sweet Child O' Mine"...just, you know, because she was such a Guns'n'Roses fan.

    Are you doing anything symbolic or whatnot as a tribute to people who have gone before us?

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  5. Hm. I'm doing the F/D dance. I luv my Dad and he's into the whole idea, so why not?

    I'm also dancing with my mom. She's gonna pick out a song, I'm gonna grab her, and we're going to go two-step, old style. Mom's song might be with everyone else, but that's okay. It'll still be me and her :D

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  6. Yes I will be dancing with my dad to Father and Daughter by Paul Simon. I always was a daddy's girl growing up and alot of those lines fit special memories between us.
    For my mom, I will have the song The Best Day by Taylor Swift played during Dinner. At that point I plan to stop whatever I am doing and going a giving my mom a big hug and sitting w/ her.

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  7. Love this post. I'm doing it because it's my dad, not because it's tradition.

    And, I'm with you on the whole "making your own wedding tradition" thing. If only most brides knew where all of those old "traditions" really came from, they'd be shocked!

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  8. I am going to too becuase my dad is totally awesome and i love spending time with him

    he also has awesome taste in music. he is waayyy hipper than me :)

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  9. Originally, I was not going to do a "father-daughter dance", but DEF planned on dancing with my pops during the reception, at least once, if not more. And he was into doing whatevs I wanted, so he didn't mind. My FH's mom was a little upset I didn't want to designate special songs/etc to those dances, but FH didn't care. My dad passed away in June, and we're marrying in Feb. So now I don't know what to do (like, should I do something special music-wise to signify such a big loss? hmmmm...). Future MIL is okay now with not designating dances, but only because I wouldn't have anyone to dance with. :-S

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  10. We worked so hard on picking the right song to dance too.... I wanted a dance with my Dad... he didn't walk me down the isle my Mom did so I wanted something special for him. My husband wanted a dance with his Mom to make her feel special..... well... we ate, we cut the cake. and POOF everyone forgot to "key" up the music... we all danced had a blast totally forgot till the next morning i woke up and went "CRAP WE NEVER GOT THE DANCES IN" shit..... so my advice is make sure your DJ or your person really really knows you want to do it LOL! best of luck to you... i like your blog!

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