Thursday, January 7, 2010

Anyone Else Having This Nightmare?

That it's your wedding day and you remember to do everything, but you forget to write your personal vows and you're stuck up there in front of 150 people, freaking out because you had planned on writing this long, eloquent, heartfelt, funny, beautifully articulated declaration of love, partnership and eternal devotion to the person you love and you can't for the life you spit out a single word because you forgot to write it!?

I have this nightmare. A lot. Perhaps I need a dreamcatcher. A badass one.  With a wolf in the middle.  Like this ------->

I know that I won't forget to write my vows. Major duh-balls on that sh-t.  But constantly having this nightmare has made me question WHY I am having it. And I think I finally know why.  All the days leading up to the wedding, from proposal to "I Do," we are constantly focused on aesthetics. What does the dress look like? OMG what are your colors?! DJ or band? Cake or cupcakes? Did he get down on one knee? Did you cry?! Did he go to Jared?! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm tired of these questions. I'm tired of being obsessed with answering these questions. Because ultimately these things don't matter.  I'm having nightmares about not writing my vows because I've been too obsessed with all the other bullsh-t that I've lost focus.  And my body knows it.  And it's warning me.

To me, our personal declarations of love and our vows are the one thing that I need to get right that day. Everything else can go to sh-t for all I care.  But the vows.  The vows are all that really matter.  The vows are the words we will remember for rest of our lives.  They are the words that will bring tears of happiness to our eyes. They are the words that will keep us strong through the difficult times. They are the words that we've been waiting to say to each other for seven f-cking years.  So I am going to focus my energy there.  The words of the day.  The words that will shape the ceremony. The words we will choose to have read. The words that will surely give everyone in the audience a case of the lovey dovey's.  The words that will bind us together for life, yo. Thasss some serious sh-t.  So that's where my focus will be.

What nightmares are you dudes having? Wedding or Non. I'm interested in both. And most importantly, what animal would be on your dreamcatcher?
Posted by Britt Hollenbrau at 11:48 AM
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15 comments:

  1. I keep having the nightmare where the boy tells me he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to marry me. OMFG. And then the poor darling has no idea why I give him the cold shoulder when I wake up. "well honey, you left me in my dream..."

    Definately need a dreamcatcher. With a polar bear. A big one.
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  2. NIGHT EYES!!!!!!!!!! How I've missed him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You'll come up with the perfect thing to say though. You always do.
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  3. Oh gosh, I have 2 recurring dreams. One when I was little I dream I was in a sort of black and white alice in wonderland room, where the room was changing shape continually (think an escher drawing) and the other is wedding related and I am in a red flowery Laura Ashley dress, at a country church and everything is red, red, red. Oh and Bean is not bean. No stress really!

    Also a whole host of other random dreams which i can never remember for very long.

    My dreamcatcher would end up as something lame like a sloth!
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  4. I've had one nightmare so far. A dress nightmare. Like, I forgot my dress and my mom ran to my house to get it, but she couldn't find it so she brought this black Morticia Addams-looking thing.
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  5. I've only had one so far. We're having a weekend wedding with hopefully everyone staying together. Well, we're there setting up the day before and I realize that nobody's coming because we didn't send out invitations and then my fiance tells me that his parents decided not to come because they just didn't "get" our wedding. I haven't figured out what its telling me. Its not that we're disorganized--we're still 8 months out, so I don't get the invitation thing. I do know that his parents don't get our wedding though.
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  6. Duuuuuuddddddeeeeeeee

    I totally had this dream 2 nights ago except the Rabbi asked for them before the ceremony and I had to write them quickly before going down the aisle and them some other weird things happened but you are not alone!
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  7. In true drama queen fashion, I am totally gaga over my vows. I've already written two drafts and its four months away. I feel like it is the most important thing I've ever written. It's the only thing that I truly care about in the terms of it has to be PERFECT.

    I had a dream that no one danced at my wedding. They all fell into food coma and literally passed out after dinner.
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  8. I keep having the dream that I over sleep and miss the whole thing. I know it seems like a total grade school nightmare but it really freaks me out. Your nightmare is still pretty scary, I hope it goes away.

    Can I just say too that I LOVE your website. I have been a die hard Bowie fan since I was five years old. Changes was the first tape I ever owned and I must have watched Labyrinth a million times.

    I wish you to the best and congradulations!
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  9. that wolf is badass. my nightmare is that somehow the catering, baker and venue break contract and I can';t find my dress and have to wear a slip ( and not a cute one)
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  10. I've just started the wedding nightmares. In one, He-Mouse was gone and I was marrying skeezy ex-boyfriend. Woke up in cold sweat. In another, we were getting married TODAY instead of in September and I had no dress, no makeup on, etc...arrrrgh
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  11. i hear you. i was having wedding nightmares about stupid bullshit, then they stopped, and i'm sure they will start again very soon. i've definitely had the one mouse described, where i'm getting married today with no dress or makeup. :)
    i'm with you though...i'm so sick of "what colors are you going with? what does your dress look like? dj or band??" ugh!!
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  12. ps. that dreamcatcher is so badass. before seeing it, i would never have thought dreamcatcher and badass should be allowed in the same sentence.
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  13. Like Mouse, I've had the one where I'm marrying the skeevy ex. These usually happen when I go to sleep mad at the Boy over stupid things. Probably my subconsious's way of bitch slapping me.
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  14. *UNDER PRESSURE* Dude, I lived that nightmare. I, too, considered the vows to be unequivocally the most significant part of the day – nay, the most significant piece I would ever compose. I wrote in fits and starts, but as the day drew near, I found myself at a complete impasse. There existed no words or combination of words that could succinctly, creatively, stylishly, humorously, accurately, originally, and PERFECTLY express everything you hope to express in your wedding vows (namely, the undying, everlasting so on and so forth for which there are no words in the first place). For every awesomely “us” line I’d pen, not a single one came close enough to perfect – everything seemed in my mind to tiptoe the treacherous territories of the pedestrian love sentiment and amateur stand-up. Worse yet, I LABORED and GNASHED MY TEETH over this fact until mere hours before our wedding, where I sat pecking hopelessly at my laptop while my hair was being done. Instead of downing champagne and vodka drank with my people, I was sunk in a morass of despair (a pathetic way to look when you’re supposed to be taking hot pictures of your wedding team trying to wrestle your Spanx on with pliers and crowbars). When I saw Tyler for the first time, I admitted in shame that I was unable to write any vows. He was like, “Oh, neither could I – I just threw together parts of the ready-made vows that (the officiant) gave us.” Initially, this felt CHEAP – this was a COP-OUT and it FLEW IN THE FACE of the truly personalized, intimate feel we wanted from our wedding – F*%& THAT! But, with only an hour or so to knock out the pictures before the ceremony, it was also my only option. When the time came to repeat the vows, I had never actually even read them, but it ABSOLUTELY didn’t matter – when you’re up there, you’re in la-la land anyway, and the only thing that matters is you guys (and not crying uncontrollably or shi*%ing yourself). Upon reflection, sure, I wish I could have gotten my isht together and captured the essence of love in writing (a feat that has eluded poets and scribes for centuries), but more than anything, I regret sacrificing some of the joy of my day because I had placed so much value on the G.D. vows. Think about it: who are these vows for – the audience, or you guys? I know for me, I wanted the audience to understand to the letter what Tyler and I are all about, but that just isn’t possible, and what they’re gonna know about you is what they learn through interacting with you guys, not from some prose they hear once in their lifetime. Tyler and I already know this stuff intrinsically, so the focus on the vows wasn’t so much for our sake (though maybe it is for you and Mike). I don’t doubt for a moment that, original vows or not, your guests will gain a greater understanding of you through EVERYTHING ELSE you’re planning on making COMPLETELY PERSONALIZED in this celebration, from this blog to Team Zissou’s attire to your centerpieces (which were BALLLLLLLLERR). I dunno, you’re a professional writer with a far greater command of and skill with language than I possess, so you very well may be able to dig up the most compelling vows ever (and I hope you do…though I will be le jealous!), but my point here is not to let your vows overwhelm your enjoyment of the process. Nobody will ever appreciate the love you share as much as you guys do, and that’s reality world. Plus, memorizing? I know we all did speech and debate, but that’s expecting an a$$load of yourself on your wedding day. Really, had I forced myself to memorize vows, I probably would have lost focus on controlling my bodily functions and shat myself. So if writing vows gets too hairy, dude, eff tha pressure, and I promise you you will feel no less a Bowie Bride for it.
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  15. I am constantly obsessing about my venue having double-booked my date and having no where to get married. I also have a recurring dream that we had the wedding, did it, done, and it was all a disaster and at the end I realize that it wasn't a dress rehearsal and I can't have a do-over!
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