The Concept of a Bachelor/Bachelorette Party

I'm about to head to my first joint bachelor/bachelorette party in DC this weekend and am unsure on what to expect.  All I know is this: Our wild Arizona State friends and former roomies will be there and we'll be hardcore partying for three nights straight.  Yeah. Three nights. Two nights is pushing it, but three?! We represent the #1 party school in America according to Playboy magazine, but we're not in our early twenties anymore, man.  See that pic to our right? That's the groom-to-be and I in undergrad, challenging each other to a Guiness Chugging Contest.  I get ooogie just looking at it. I mean, the groom's face just says it all.  Guiness is some thick, shit, man. I don't know if we'll be able to roll like that this weekend, but hey, I'll give it the old 'college try.' Don't you worry about that. And in case you care who won the chugging contest, it was me.. I was a TANK.

But in all seriousness, when did the bachelor party go from being the night before the wedding to a three-day weekend boozefest you travel cross-country for?  The only reason I can come up with is this: BECAUSE WE CAN. Think about it. "Oh, what's that you say? You're gonna throw me a party where it's encouraged to act like a jackass in public and pound free drinks all night?" Yeah, like hell I'm going to say no to that. Same goes for why we ultimately end up blowing hundreds or thousands on a wedding gown - BECAUSE WE CAN. BECAUSE IT'S AN EXCUSE TO BUY A PRETTY DRESS. Weddings are one big excuse for treating yourself like a VIP.  I'm guilty of it. We all are at some point. Do I really NEED to stay in the hotel two nights before the wedding when I live right down the street? NO. I don't. But I say to myself, "Well, it's our wedding day, so wasting money on three nights of hotel stay when I could easily stay at my own apartment down the street is okay."

So for these same reasons, Mike and I decided that we are indeed going to have a bachelor/bachelorette party.  Because we can.  And not because it's necessary. But so many grooms and brides-to-be see it that way though. I don't get the necessity of a bachelor party in the traditional, "I need to have one last night of freedom with nude women grinding on my jock before I say 'I do'" kind of way. Mike and I don't even like strip clubs. My only experience at a strip club involved me purchasing my best friend a private lap dance from a pregnant stripper. Real glamorous, right? Mike describes strip clubs in one word: "Sad." He went for a friend's bachelor party in Vegas one year. A stripper walked over to him, started to dance, and he just looked at her and said this, flatly: "I have no money."  And with that, she left.  Aside from the whole expensive factor, and the whole 'sad' factor, strip clubs have one more glaring problem: they're cocktease warehouses. I mean, you wouldn't go to an Indiana Jones flick and leave before the climax, would you? Well, that last piece of shit Spielberg squeezed out of his ass doesn't count, but you get the point.  But seriously, who wants all the lead-up with no finale? Not this bitch. When mamacita gets fired up, she wants to take home the gold, not the bronze. ...aaaaand with that, folks, I just turned into a horny middle-aged, casino rat. But in all seriousness, man. The only load you should be blowing is the one in your pants. Not the wad of hard-earned in your wallet. So if we are going strictly on the definition of a traditional bach party, then I don't NEED one. Mike doesn't NEED one. Not at all. We're goooooood. Thx.

So, what kind of bach party are we interested in, if ogling plastic titties alongside frat asswipes and truck drivers is out of the question?  I think we both agree that we'd like our parties to be about drinking. And public displays of silliness. And letting loose with our best buds after months of stressful planning. And karaoke. Lots of karaoke.  Since we have a lot of the same close friends, and want to party with everyone regardless of gender, we are going to go the "joint" route. Thinkin' Vegas.  We can split up on Friday night, have it be Team Bride/Team Groom, then rock together the second night as one unified Team. I've seen a lot of couples do this. Seems to work out nicely. I understand I too am now putting unnecessary pressure on my friends to blow money on a two day party, but again that little phrase keeps popping up in my mind: BUT WE CAN 'CAUSE IT'S OUR WEDDING.  And we did it for their weddings. So payback's a bitch, son ;)

I'll be sure to report back about my DC bachelor/bachelorette party adventure. I'm actually very much looking forward to it. It's a rare opportunity in our circle of friends to all be together in the same city at once, so I'm MORE THAN HAPPY to blow my load on that ;)

What are you dudes doing for your bach party?