My First Email to My "Bridesmaids"

♥♥♥ My First Email to My "Bridesmaids"* NOT edited for content... hehe... ♥♥♥

(Yes, this is a real email I sent to them)

Hey lay-deeez!
This marks your first annoying email from me about our wedding! YAY! 

OK. So this email is all about what to wear.  And get excited because you can whatever the FUCK you want.  The wedding has no color scheme.  Our colors are the fucking rainbow and beyond. 

All I ask is that you do everything in your power to look like you're gonna kick a little ass. Whether that means wearing a pantsuit, or a super short dress, or a jumper, or a pair neon cowboy boots - anything goes! I'm not shitting you. BUT if I may, I have some ideas for you - just to get your beautiful minds a thinkin'. 

1. Don't be afraid to accessorize. Example: cool patterned tights, jewelry, brooches, hair flowers,
2. Think retro, vintage-y.
3. Andrea is already wearing black - so if you can, try to avoid that color.
4. Get some killer shoes. Anything goes.
5. I imagine most will go with a tea length or short dress - you can rock a long one, but the wedding isn't going to be black tie - so just keep that in mind.
6. You will be carrying a handmade bouquet not made of real flowers, so also keep that in mind.
7. Be as out-there as you want. if you want to rock some offbeat fashion, i'm totally game. In fact, I encourage it.
8. Everyone is getting professional photos of them taken, so style yourself as if you were doing a photoshoot for "Kickass Magazine" 

We have 6.5 months til the wedding, so we have time. But I thought I'd let you know in case you all wanted to get crackin on finding a dress.

Love you guys. Like a friggin ton. Thanks for being awesome.
-B 

How chill are you being with your wedding party?  Personally, I just couldn't find it in my heart to make them wear $200 matching taffeta.  Or even $100 matching taffeta. Or even just matching taffeta. Or even just matching anything. Or even just bossing them around in general. This isn't a whorehouse in Deadwood. I'm not their Madame. Fuck no. Our wedding is but a mere fraction of their life concerns in the grand scheme of things.  I've been a b-maid in a couple weddings, so I know that it can be difficult to balance life with being there for the bride and groom.  I was Maid of Honor at my best gal's wedding in Disney World during the time I was nearly finished with grad school.  I was literally writing the last part of my Master's thesis in the hotel room the entire weekend - I didn't even step foot in any of the theme parks. (So I've been to Disney World - technically. Just not inside it. How sad is that?).  Anyway, my point is that while her wedding was super friggin important, and I of course WANTED to be there for her every step of the way, I needed to keep focus on my own priorities - particularly an insanely important one such as finishing my Master's.  Because no matter what happens, there is NO WAY, my best gal, or I, or any friend for that matter, would have expected me to put their wedding above ALL priorities. That's just silly talk.  I think Cupcake Wedding said it best in this post here, reminding us that our "Bridesmaids aren't [our] bitches."  Honest. To the point. No apologies. That's Cupcake Wedding. And I love her for it.  All we want from our wedding party is for them to stand beside us. And get really wasted on the dance floor. And maybe come to our bach party and get really drunk and slutty for a couple nights in Vegas. If they feel up to it of course ;) If not, it'll just be Mike and I getting really drunk and slutty in Vegas. Which a-okay with me. No pressure. PLEASE. No freaking pressure. This is a wedding. Not a logging competition.**

*Our "bridesmaids" aren't called bridesmaids.  They are members of Team Zissou.
**There's nothing more pressure-inducing than a timed competition of furious log sawing. NOTHING.