Seriously. Who do we think we are? As if there couldn't be anything more selfish than throwing your own extravagant birthday party, we've gone ahead and spent AN ENTIRE YEAR planning the ultimate, vomit-inducing US-FEST: Our fucking goddman wedding. A night that's basically a "fuck you" to all our friends who are single, and to all our gay friends who aren't given the legal right to marry, and to all our friends who don't believe in marriage but will "make an exception for us."
I mean, we're asking at least 70 people to travel out of state, pay for two nights of hotel, and transportation to and from LAX... just to kiss our ass and say congrats on our legal, heterosexual marriage.
Well I say fuck that.
Weddings ain't cheap, yo. I'm STILL paying off the money I spent to go to friends' weddings from 3 years ago. I'm broke, son. Bitch ain't gonna lie on this one. So to everyone who can't come, or don't want to come to our wedding for whatever reason, THEN COOL. Seriously. I get it. Weddings are expensive, heterosexual, asshole parades that should only be attended for the free booze, food, and killer dance party. Oh, and if you're related to me or like, really care about Mike and me becoming eternal partners (hahahahahahahahahahahaha), you may not want to miss the wedding. But for everyone else, it's up to you. Seriously. Take the money you would have spent on our wedding and feed your family. It's ok, I promise we won't be hurt.
Don't get me wrong, I know why I want to publicly marry my guy, but that in no way requires you to witness that desire. Well, unless you have a an extreme yearn to dance full-out to Phil Collin's tunes at the reception. Then you better make an appearance.
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