I've been pretty mean to Mike on the blog lately. He and I have talked about this. And I have since realized that perhaps I was being a tad unfair to him. I wouldn't want our arguments aired on a blog for everyone to read... no matter how accurately the situation was characterized. So in turn, he has a bunch of people hating on him, and he doesn't get the opportunity to defend himself. And even if he did get to, he wouldn't want to.... because he doesn't want to fight with me online. Because it's ridiculous. And childish... And I have to agree. So that left me feeling: 1. terrible & 2. a tad conflicted... I always want to be honest with my readers, and to be able to speak candidly about the difficulties and challenges of planning a wedding...no matter how "real" the subject is. So whenever Mike and I have a wedding-related argument or disagreement, I immediately go to the blog because you guys are my sounding board... my community of brides and grooms who could be going through the same thing... And I find comfort in your support and advice. But I realize now that there are some things I should keep between he and I. And if there is really an issue that
WE feel should be discussed in this medium, then we will.
My Michael is an extraordinary human being. I couldn't be with anyone who wasn't. He's a mentor to his students, an inspiration to his fellow teachers... he's one of the funniest people I've ever met... He keeps me grounded... He keeps me sane... and above all, he has been nothing but a supportive partner to me for the last seven years. And if I have made him out to be anything less than that, I apologize. Yes, we will have fights and arguments over dumb things like suit shopping. But those things don't
really matter to me in the grand scheme of it all. They are frustrations, yes. But they are not large enough to negatively air here. I realize this post is a bit of a Catch-22, in that I am airing our personal issues...again. But I felt the need to apologize to him publicly. So there you have it.
Fellow bloggers: Have you had similar issues with your partner... on the subject matter of some of your posts?
since i have about 2.5 total posts i've yet to run into this problem but i just wanted to say that i have major crushes on you both and though we friends out here don't have the whole-life perspective that you guys do on your relationship, at least some of us still understand how far removed this bloggin' medium is. we know you love him, bunches and bunches and tons and millions! :) we know. i'm glad you made this post though, for your own sakes.
ReplyDeletelove you hot stuff.
*spanks on bottom*
Hugs to you and Mike, because this negotiation of public and private selves is complicated (as I'm discovering) and the wedding is complicated and fraught (as we all know) and all of it is rife with emotional challenges. And we love your blog because it's so balls out honest. So I hear you. But I'm also learning that I can be honest without involving/compromising J or our families. What we've been doing is that he gets first read/veto-editing privileges on anything that refers to him. We talk it out, I maybe have to clarify or edit down/out, but it means we're both comfortable with what's said about him and us in the world. And yes, behind the scenes, after that first read and before I hit publish, we've had to talk through some uncomfortable moments.
ReplyDeleteYou and Mike are both amazing people and have such a strong partnership. Like everything, this blogging this is a process of learning and growing, so don't beat yourself up about it too much.
But see what you're doing right there? You're defining yourselves and your marriage. I think this is a very healthy post, dear, because while venting is one thing, you and Mike (and nobody else) are in it together. Like this: http://www.sourismariage.com/2010/01/nice-mice-i-worry-about-all-of-us.html
ReplyDeleteLA Love, He-Mouse and I do the first read/veto thing, too. He's never asked me to change anything. But I want him to feel like he can.
The guy knows I tell everyone all of our business and he does the same. We are the kind of people who like to run things by our community because when your BFF tells you you're being a crazy bitch and you should apologize, it means something. Also, I am a gossip. Most recently, my groom laughed as I grossed out my brother by telling him about our sex life (I was punishing him for making me listen to the details of his sex life.)
ReplyDeleteAhem. Anyhoo, I love your honesty and I hope you don't censor yourself too much. But your relationship and protecting your love is so much more important than any blog. Good for you for drawing the necesary lines.
Ditto almost exactly what Cupcake said. I have a tendency to overshare and gossip too. We haven't had any issue with what I've said on my blog yet, because up until this point we've agreed on most everything regarding the wedding. However, we are still in the early stages.
ReplyDeletePerhaps before I do something silly and air our dirty laundry, I should implement what LA and Mouse do.
Brava, Britt, er Ms. Bowie...I believe you said it all in this episode and said it right...that's love and understanding fer sure.
ReplyDeletePoppy
Made me tear up a little. I'm such a sap! haha!
ReplyDeleteI would say that Todd had about 2% to do with planning our wedding, and it was very frustrating at times. But thankfully I had the support of my mom and just made it happen.
I cannot wait to see pics of the wedding Brit. Your ideas are brilliant, and it sounds like it's going to be an amazing day for you and Mike.
Whitney
That was a really sweet post. We all go through that kind of stuff but it's been comforting to know that we're not alone. Thank you for your honesty. You and Mike seem like a wonderful and strong couple and you're also human. It's refreshing to see.
ReplyDeleteI work around that problem by keeping my blog a secret from my fiance.* Hah.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, since he and I met online on a public forum, we learned early on to NOT air our dirty laundry. If I ever make a light-hearted dig or reveal something personal about him on our other blog, I always show him the post before I publish, just in case it hits a nerve more so than I realize. Of course we all feel the need to vent, and you do it playfully.
*Of course it's using a screen name and avatar I use everywhere else, so just a matter of time before he discovers it. I figure it'll be a nice surprise.
Aaww, he sounds amazing.
ReplyDeleteI didn't talk about the Mr. that much. But once I talked about my bridesmaid trouble and BAM crazy anon people were all over me. Our blogs are our forums, but it can be unfair because it's one sided and if we don't explain in detail, forget it someone looks like that bad guy.
You seem to love and respect each other deeply and it's your right to share what you want. You can talk about the other frilly stuff now. :)
That's a sweet apology/tribute to Mike. It's so hard to walk the line between sharing and airing too much. I've tried to restrain myself over the year to not airy our dirty laundry but like you said, you guys are all my sounding board, so it's only natural to let it out from time to time. Don't feel too bad :)
ReplyDeleteNot yet.. but I kind of edit what I say on my blog, which means I tend to post the positive stuff and leave out any negative. Also I know what I'm like. I feel one way one day and then another way the next, so I wouldn't want to post anything that I would then regret.
ReplyDeleteThat said sometimes I wish I could just allow myself to post exactly how I'm feeling - but I'm just not sure I could deal with the fallout!
Am sure Mike appreciates this post a lot x
I have not given Mr Fix It the link or web site address for my blog :) However, though I may vent about him once in a while, it's not usually too huge of an issue and it's usually just me being irritated because he doesn't like something I want to do that is wedding related. Though I'm not anonymous, I keep my blog anonymous to friends and family - partly because I don't want them to see all of the stuff that we have planned for the wedding...and partly because I want a place to be able to vent and share with fellow blogger brides where I don't need to worry about family's opinions or retaliation :)
ReplyDelete