Best. Wedding Weekend. Ever. (I'm Still Hungover)

I just got back from one of the most fun weddings I've ever been to, and I am EXHAUSTED.  Here's a quick recap:

• Friday we landed in San Antonio and went straight to the bar. We proceeded to drink for the next 12 hours straight.  I was humping the bar trash can by 5 PM.
• That night, at the karaoke bar "Liquid Monkey," I sang 3 songs, and throughout the entire night the DJ referred to me as "SexyBritt." One word.
• During Sting's "Roxanne" we had all the girls in the bar taking drinks when we sang "Put on the red light," and had all the guys taking drinks when we sang "Roxanne." And if you've ever counted how many times "put on the red light" and "Roxanne" are said in that song... you'd know that everyone in the bar was ten times more loaded after the song ended than they were before it started. 

Heinekens were ONE DOLLAR a pop. That explains the triple-fisting.

• I was dancing so hard that I fell over. And immediately thereafter, the DJ stopped the music and said on the mic: "SexyBritt! Are you okay, SexyBritt?!" I got up, dusted my skirt off, said I was more than ok, and the DJ returned to pumping up the jams.
• The karaoke bar had plastic blow-up instruments for the patrons to "play." Let's just say I spent the better part of the night molesting an inflatable saxaphone. 
• We left the bar at closing time, and headed next door to McDonald's where we proceeded to order TWO 50 packs of chicken McNuggets. They all got eaten.  (But I resisted. And thanked myself in the morning).
• NEXT DAY. Saturday, 2 hours before the wedding, we played flip-cup at the hotel pool. Just for warm-up. 
• Cocktail hour started BEFORE the ceremony started.  So basically I was 4 glasses of wine deep before the bride and groom even said "I Do."
• I cried my eyes out during the ceremony. It was beautiful. Full of love. And the way they looked into each other's eyes when they said their vows made my heart do a little flutter dance. It was perfect. 

Precious!

• Then we moved inside for the reception and immediately got on a first-name basis with the bartender.
• We proceeded to get hammered beyond imagination. 
• We danced our balls off.

Gettin' LOW.

• My friend pointed at a total stranger on the dance floor and said "We are going to make out right now." And it happened. 
• My elbow was involved in chipping someone's tooth. But it was NOT my fault. I swear.
• I told the groom's aunt that she had a great rack, and she let me have a feel. It was awesome. 
• We convinced the bartender to do shots with us. Then we later learned that he got FIRED.  Not solely because of the group shots we took with him. No. It was because he was drinking Screwdrivers on the sly the whole night, and was as obliterated as we were. I asked for a gin and tonic and he poured me a glass of straight gin. So clearly he was over-pouring. And clearly he was way too drunk to function on the job. And the second he started arm wrestling Mike, our favorite drink-slinger was fired.  True story.

Us and the fired bartender.

• The reception ended at 11:00 PM, but the party didn't stop. We ended up at "Dick's Last Resort" where apparently they're supposed to be rude to you. Well. Our "waiter"said something totally derogatory to me and my philosophy is, if you're gonna dish it out, be prepared to get some sass back in return.  So I proceeded to tell him he was going to die of obesity in two years.  He was pretty caught off-guard.  
• Mike was sent home because he was too drunk. He fell on his face and got a nasty cut on his eyebrow that probably needs stitches...
• I smoked a Cuban for the first time and it was awesome.
• We continued to party back at the hotel. By the time I passed out, I was only wearing my bustier, a children's sized cowboy hat, and a man's blazer that barely covered my ass.
• Annnnnd we had to be at the airport the next morning by 9:00 AM. This is how we looked waiting for our taxi:

We didn't just "mess" with Texas. We FUCKED with Texas.

 So... I'd say the weekend was MORE than a success. And it got me HELLA EXCITED for the insanity that will ensue for our wedding... in 3 months!!!!