So I'm just gonna bust right into my favorite topic: TITS. I have had a lifelong love affair with my boobs. I have always been proud of their size, shape, and general buoyancy. No matter what shape my overall body has been at any given time, I have always known that my boobs would be my confidence boosters. Ass feeling too big in them jeans, Britt? Then just strap on a low-cut top and show some tit! I'll be the first to admit that showing cleavage was an easy, happy solution for a gal who's wanted to steer the attention away from her thighs ever since short shorts got super popular in the 7th grade. So naturally, I would want to highlight my rockin cleavage in some form or another during my wedding weekend (you know you all want your boobs to look good in your wedding dress so don't even start to judge a bitch). So I ended up buying a rehearsal dinner dress that needs boobs to be able to wear it... and I also bought a wedding dress that was meant to be worn by a busty gal...
But, as I have grown into my adult body, especially in the last year, I have shed some poundage... like 20 pounds of poundage. In turn, my wedding dress is 3 sizes too big, I have had to buy all new clothes, wear skimpier bathing suits, and walk around the house naked a lot more. I know... boo-hoo on you, you skinny bitch. But I'm speakin the true here. And the true is this: when your body loses weight, your boobs lose weight too. So those 36D bras I had been happily flaunting since high school, sadly did not fit me anymore. And that was a big blow to my boob-ego. So then I was faced with having to buy a *GASP* smaller bra. So I begrudgingly walked into Victoria's Secret, and was practically hit in the face with this thing:
The Too-Much-Titty Miraculous™ Push-up Bra
The Victoria's Secret Miraculous™ push-up bra is not for the faint of heart, kids. So try this puppy on with caution. It adds TWO cup sizes. TWO. CUP. SIZES. So I was like YO. Imma try this shiz on NOW. And try it on I did... and here was my initial reaction: "FUCK YES! MY BOOBS ARE STILL HOT!" So I bought the bra faster than Mike would pop a boner seeing me in it. I was silently rejoicing on my car-ride home from the mall. I had just defied nature with a heavily padded bra and I couldn't have been more excited.
...And then I wore it out in public. And holy balls I shit you not, have never felt more UNCOMFORTABLE in my life... and it wasn't because the bra pinched or was too tight or whathaveyou. No it certainly fit... it was just.too.much. My tits were practically in my ears! The only part of my boobs that was actually (semi)housed in the bra, were my nips. And ishityounot, there was barely any room for those! So crap. The solution to keep my bust busty had failed miserably. And I returned my Too-Much-Titty bra and exchanged it for a more sensible one... a bra that fit at least half my boob in the actual cup. And since my boobs will no longer fit the wedding dress I initially bought 10 months ago... I have opted to sell it and exchange it for a more average-sized-funbags friendly gown from Deborah Lindquist. (It is a custom gown I have yet to see, but I promise to show you all once I have it!)
Have you guys tried this bra on? Do you like it? And are there any daring brides out there who will wear it with their wedding dress?
Yeah, I boycott VS. The only make like 2 bras in my size. F*ckers. And those 2 don't even fit right. Can't wait to see the new dress!
ReplyDeleteOh emmm Geee. I'm so glad someone else is in my situation. I tried that bra on for fun and I nearly suffocated from my tata's. I guess it's VS's way of saying I don't deserve fun bras :( Screw you Victoria!!
ReplyDeleteA-cup here, and I think you just sold me on this. Does it come in strapless?!
ReplyDeleteWhat's better than having everyone at your wedding wondering if you got a boob job whilst you recite the vows? :)
Have not tried the VC bra (I finally learned my "this is all overprices crap" lesson). However, I hear you on the "where did my chest go?! and shat the heck do I now wear that's sexy?!" lament. I know, boo hoo for losing weight. But I hear you. And that's why I finally had to sell my wedding dress too. I just couldn't make it work anymore in the chest. For realz. I was willing to overlook the other "but is it the one?" questions because it was such a deal, but the bust issues confirmed the need to sell it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, none of my clothes fit and I'm too poor from the wedding to buy anything other than new H&M $5 tee shirts and shitty dresses. Boo hoo indeed.
Wow the complete opposite happened to me but culminated in a similar outcome...
ReplyDeleteAs opposed to losing 20 lbs during this wonderful engagement time, I gained them. Resulting in an even bigger butt than before (and that says ALOT!) and jumping TWO cup sizes!
So I too have bought a new dress to better work with my curves while not making me look preggers like the old dress did... Here's to last minute changes in wardrobe!
I have to try it on now. Two cup sizes up would at least be SOME boobs. But then I'd look like a pencil with fake boobs stuck on.
ReplyDeleteYeah - I'm in the smaller boat so this is a bit of a ringing endorsement for VS (which I normally cringe away from) Will have to try it out and flaunt the boobies!
ReplyDeleteHaha you are hilarious, Britt! I have a love/hate relationship with my breasts. As much as I love them, I hate when they're the first thing people notice. Lately, I've actually been wearing bras that make me look smaller. Not sure what my sweater puppies will look like on the wedding day, but they will have to be comfy. Thanks for the bra tip!
ReplyDeleteI love my boobies, too :) Like, I loooove them. I was so flat all my life, then I got on The Pill and all of a sudden I had boobs! It's awesome. I haven't tried this bra, but I doubt I will. I feel like it's just a little *too* much false advertising for me. Two cup sizes? I'd rather just have a bra w/ some lift that holds in the ta-tas when I shake it on the dance floor. I don't need to be suffocated by my breasties.
ReplyDeletePs, It's SO nice and refreshing to hear a woman talk about how she loves a certain part of her body. Sometimes I feel bad when I talk about how much I love my boobs. But oh well, I do.
Love my boobs. Small boobs rock.
ReplyDeleteI believe that in most cases, padded bras are cheating/false advertising.
I'm big for a skinny girl, so I generally hate padding and usually avoid push-up bras (actually I always hate padding, but push-ups can go either way). I am sure if I lost my boobs for some reason, I would completely reverse my stance on said bras. Because boobs are fun. ;)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, this post kind of cracked me up. Hooray!
ReplyDeleteI also lost boobs with weight, and I miss my DDs. I started wearing padded bras as a way to avoid throwing out most of my clothes, but I keep wearing them because god damn it I miss my boobs. It just looks more like me when there's a rack there. All of this is a long way to say, I can't wait to try that bra.
ReplyDeleteOh man
ReplyDeletegotta love a chick who says tits. Go TITS!
I think I'd be nervous to wear it out. Two more cups would look ridiculous on my frame!
ReplyDeleteI'm a proud small boob girl. I rock em. I didn't use to, and wore lots of VS padded bras. One night my friend commented on how different my boobs looked from day to day, and right then I gave up the padded bras. I def don't want anyone speculating anything about my girls on my wedding day. I do not want my boobs making a scene.
ReplyDeleteHmmm the thought of this bra intrigues me...not sure that I want to wear it out in public, but I totally want to go try it on now to see how "miraculous" it is! ;) Haha!
ReplyDeletehahaha, as someone who got a breast reduction a few years ago and is STILL 36D (i wanted to be smaller, oh well!) that bra is my worst nightmare!
ReplyDeleteOh boo hoo all you big chested ladies! Let us girls in the itty bitty titty committee have our moment!! I own three of these bras shamelessly. Take it from a girl who stuffed her bra in junior high...it was wonderful to find a bra that gives you more than just a little boost! I have always had hips and a bum but my chest was only slightly larger than a pair of mosquito bites. I applaud all you proudly small chested ladies out there for your healthy self-image, but I'm not in your club. I want to have a proportioned body and this gives me that option without going under the knife. And my bf likes me with it on or with it off :) Who gives a damn about false advertising... who are we advertising to anyways? I can do what I want... and now I have a great hourglass shape courtesy of victoria! ;)
ReplyDelete