Monday, July 12, 2010

19 Days.

I haven't had my hair trial yet because I haven't received my veil. And I haven't decided what the hell I am actually going to wear in my hair. Headband? Hair flower? Fuck if I know. AND I made the stupid mistake of buying two headpieces I can't return. A headband that I paid 80 bucks for that doesn't match my dress. And I don't even know if I am going to like the $120 hair flower/veil combo I bought (that I will also not be able to return once I receive it). So I am hoping and praying (and I don't pray, people) that it will be ok.

We haven't put the iPod playlists together yet. Mike has informed me this won't be done until the WEEK OF THE WEDDING. I am freaking out.

I still need to find someone to film the ceremony.

We still don't have candles, tea lights, or white light strings. We need to completely light the garden area for dancing. Otherwise it will be too dark.

I still don't know what color hair I want to have. I just dyed it brown with hints of  auburn and I don't think I like it.  There is no way I am not going to get used to it by the time the wedding rolls around. And it makes me feel "not me." And I certainly don't want that to be the case. And this hair makes me look paler than I already am -- which is pretty damn pale.

Which leads me to my next frustration: I'm still pale as fuck. And I don't want to tan. Or apply tanner. Or have to worry about that shit. But I don't want to be this pale. GRRRRRRRR.

I hate my J. Crew earrings. I can't return them.

My dress doesn't fit right.

Our venue fucked us. And we have to come up with a whole new set up for the reception and the ceremony.

We haven't written our vows yet and our officiant needs to be sent the script.

Mike still hasn't started crafting the beer bottle chandeliers.

We still need to get the marriage license.

Our original rehearsal dinner location is temporarily closed down, and completely unable to host us.  Oh, and did I mention they failed to actually call us and tell us that bit of news?  Yeah. We wouldn't have found out had we not tried to go to happy hour there last weekend.  So we had to find another place last minute. A place that we will have to cab to instead of walk to.

I'm having trouble letting go of the responsibility. It's Mike's turn to do the bulk of the work, but I have been so deep into the planning of it for the last 11.5 months that it is difficult for me to trust anyone with the vision I originally wanted executed. For example, we were going to order bundt cakes for the dessert table. And Mike thought it was outrageous that we wouldn't pre-cut the bundt cakes. And I told him that I would like the dessert table to look pretty for pictures, and that we should wait to cut the cakes. And he just didn't understand that. And it pissed me off because he didn't voice this concern to me months ago. He's just now swooping in at the 11th hour, making decisions about things I decided a long time ago -- decisions that he willingly left up to me. And it's frustraing.

We're still waiting for A LOT of RSVPs.

I have this looming fear that Mike won't get his passport renewed in time for the honeymoon. He claims he can go into the passport office and get one last minute, but I hate doing things last minute.  And if I don't get my Mexican honeymoon vacation away from this craziness, I might blow a gasket.

My home is being eaten alive by crafts.

I can't sleep.

I have a pounding headache.

And I have super puffy eyes from my crying meltdown last night.


I don't know if I can do this.
Posted by Britt Hollenbrau at 12:40 PM
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29 comments:

  1. Not sure if the Hubby to be knows this but Passport fees go up starting tomorrow. :\
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  2. Somebody has a case of the Mondays!!! (read in super cheerful annoying office work voice).

    J/k - Keep your chin up girl, and get your boots on, we're rooting for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRkovnss7sg
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  3. You can. And you will. Get the marriage license. That part is kind of important. But you will be so fucking high on and overwhelmed by love you won't even notice all the other stuff. And by the time you do notice you won't even care. Trust.
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  4. First of all, you can do this. Second, take a deep breath. Even though I know it's probably impossible, I'm going to encourage that you stop worrying about the tiny, tiny details. As far as your appearance goes, find something that makes you "feel you". If you're naturally pale, go with that. Even if blonde isn't your natural color, if it makes you feel great, stick with it. As for the things you can't return, it's still good to have options even if you spent more than you originally wanted. It's hard to plan out every detail of your appearance in advance, so at the very least, when you get to the day, you can fiddle around with your look. Maybe you'll be feeling the hair flower/veil combo more on the wedding day than you do now. Or maybe you won't. But you've got choices.
    As for the immediate issues of puffy eyes and sleeplessness, I say take a couple of Excedrin PMs and call it a night. A good night of sleep may do wonders for you at this point.
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  5. hang in there, star! it always gets crazy the closer to the date. i can offer you an objective viewpoint if you want it, but just know this:

    you most certainly can do this! you're one of the perkiest and coolest brides out there. rock their socks of darling.
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  6. I'm going to have to echo Emilia Jane. I know it's not comforting to hear "don't worry about these things", but there's no much else that can be said. And nothing is more truthful. It seems like a crazy pile of stuff that has to get done, but in the end, it won't seem so necessary. Other than the marriage license, which is sort of key.
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  7. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

    Seriously, take a deep breath and buck up!

    I know crying and venting help but, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED TO THE MAN YOU LOVE! It seriously, can't be all that bad. You are focusing waaaay to much on all the trivial shit. In the end, you will still be married. Do you seriously want to remember this as tears and anger because you're concerned about a fucking beer bottle chandelier??? I mean, don't get me wrong, that sounds AMAZING. But, there is SO MUCH MORE to a wedding than stupid sliced or unsliced bundt cakes.

    It really just seems like you are losing your shit to stress and you seem so much more tougher than that!

    At this point in the game, take a step back, take a deep breath and figure out what is REALLY necessary. Passport & marriage license? Fuck yeah. Beer bottle chandeliers? Not so much.

    If you think you can truly pull all of this off in 19 days, power to you. However, you may need to do some serious re-prioritizing for your own sanity.
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  8. As for the stuff you can't return and don't want, I suggest you get it out of your sight immediately. It will help you remove something from your world that will just annoy you.

    Also, go get a spray tan immediately. It is so fast and easy. If you hate it, it will be gone long before the wedding and you can try something else.

    Order your lights for the dancing area online. It will be the easiest way to cross it off your list with minimal effort.

    I hope this helps a bit. Good luck with everything.
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  9. What kind of candles are you looking for? I have like 170 plain votive candles from my wedding last month that are just clogging space in my living room.
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  10. Breathe. And again. And one more time...good. Yes, you absolutely CAN do this.

    Now. The other ladies are totally right, really right now the "big thing" that matters is the marriage license.

    Next. If you absolutely had to, what would be the order of importance of everything you listed here. Figure that out and then start from there.

    You are human, do not try to do everything at once. Trust Mike. You're marrying the guy. If you can't trust him with wedding stuff now how will you trust him with the "really big" stuff later on?

    And for what it's worth, I LOVE the brown hair on you. And that's not me blowing smoke, I really think it looks stunning on you. Your make up artist will embrace the pale and make you look gorgeous.

    I know it's crazy now, but it WILL be ok, you WILL get through it, and at the end of the day you WILL get married.
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  11. I just sent you about three emails with all sorts of offers for help and miscellaneous items. Also, I agree with Emilia. Focus on the big things you need and remember that the rest won't matter one smidge when you're up there saying your vows to Mike and freaking out with joy at the party. You already have stunning decor and a site that will work somehow and an amazing dress and several accessories. Aside from the license, passport, and vows, you're really good to go.

    And you're gorgeous as is. Pale skin and all, you rock it. And I love your new haircolor but, if you don't, just make an appointment today and put yourself at ease. That's the focus from here on out: getting the big stuff done and finding ways to put yourself at ease.
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  12. "You are human, do not try to do everything at once. Trust Mike. You're marrying the guy. If you can't trust him with wedding stuff now how will you trust him with the "really big" stuff later on?"

    This x1000. Because of all the things you listed (which are all important and meltdown-worthy, not denying that!), the ONLY thing that will matter years from now is how you and Mike dealt with/talked through the stress you're under... seriously, don't sweat the cake or the beer bottles or the candles or even the money.

    somehow, it'll come together. I swear. and it will rock.
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  13. Coming out of lurker status to say
    YOU CAN DO THIS.
    Flip that switch. Become the machine. Throw a little money at a problem if you have to.
    And tonight, even if you're exhausted, at least make-out with your husband-to-be.
    WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU BRITT.
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  14. im so thankful for you guys. your kind words and advice have definitely made me feel better. Sometimes you just need to hear that you aren't alone... and that there are people out there who believe in you. i appreciate everyone's kindness. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BOWIE LOVIN HEART!
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  15. Seriously, just let it all out. All the frustrations and worries and BULLSHIT, just keep typing it up here. It will help. If only so you don't have to punch a wall, or someone in the face. I know you can overcome these hurdles, and party your balls off on your wedding day, no matter what happens between now and then. Sorry you're having to deal with this crap!
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  16. I'm 12 days out, and for the past week or so it's like this weird crazy layer has descended over everything in my life. And I kind of want to strangle my dear fiance, because his procrastinating is making me contemplate a constant state of tipsyness/drunkeness until the wedding. So....it's not just you, and it will be OK, and I promise you, you will get married...and it will ROCK, because you rock. So hang in there my friend!
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  17. You've gotten a lot of good advice here already so I'm not going to add to it. I just want to say: you can do it! You can so! If anyone can pull this off, it's you!

    Good vibes, prayers, thoughts, brainwaves heading your way...
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  18. Holy crap, girl...I am so sorry. Doesn't it suck how all this stuff happens right at the end? Just know that it won't be perfect and it won't work out 'exactly' like you want it to but it will still be you and Mike and it will be awesome! So relish in that and nothing else. Try not to stress or break down...although I did it too at the end...but just try to do one thing at a time. Get it done and move on to the next. Don't think about it all, just start with the highest priority, do that, and then move to the next highest priority.

    Marriage license: HIGHEST PRIORITY!
    Passport: Can't do it last minue...I think even the expedited one takes 3 weeks...HUGE PRIORITY!
    Vows: Try to get it done but you can always wing it if you have to...my hubby did :)

    Try not to stress...you are hot and the wedding will be amazing because of you and your guests...not the venue and not the headpiece or veil or whatever. Just breathe :)
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  19. I KNOW you can do it! You are amazing. Like those above me said, focus on the important things. The projects that aren't priorities can fall by the way side. You'll have a fabulous wedding. You have a great man and it will happen!
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  20. I wish I had some advice, but I haven't been through it yet.

    You can get it done, you know you can get it done :)

    Just tick things off the list one by one and you'll be fine.
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  21. <3!

    Like Miss C, I wish I could offer some helpful words... but I'm pretty much right there with you.

    We'll make it!
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  22. Stacy has it right: license and passport first!

    Expedited passport still takes up to 2 weeks!

    Otherwise,
    1. Hugs. Have a cool drink.
    2. Ask for help. Ye shall receive. It helped me immensely during the final stretch.
    3. Start cutting out low priority stuff and focus on the important stuff
    4. Have faith. With the help of others, things WILL work out.
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  23. I just went through this about a month ago and I feel for you. I know the frazzled non-stop chatter that is going on in your head right now.
    No kidding, an energy in you will rise up that last week and you guys will get it done. But the week before the wedding when my man commented on my crazed vibe, I did have to calmly explain to him that even though my tasks were driving me crazy, getting them done was going to put me at ease. And I needed his help to put me at ease, so tell him to get his shit DONE (for your sake).
    Definitely, go get the passport and make an appt. for the marriage license.
    The next thing is the dress. Your seamstress can fix it, believe and trust.
    Your hair and makeup, you definitely have enough time to get your trials done. Please, don't self-tan...that could potentially be a disaster. You will look beautiful, I promise.
    Tell Mike that people will jump in and help you cut cakes...both of you don't need to worrying about that right now...or the day of, for that matter. I cut my cake and then got straight back onto the dance floor, and people still got their dessert somehow.
    Don't worry about the playlist. It's going to be badd-ass and won't be done until about 3 nights before the wedding (that's when mine got done).
    I say invest some time in the ceremony. It is my favorite part of our wedding day and I can recall every single second of it. It was personal and us and I loved it.

    Some things will inevitably go to shit. I found out the day before the wedding that the our flower vendor didn't make our bouquets because she lost the example pictures. What?! I just closed my eyes and sighed with exhaustion and graciously my mother-in-law stepped in and threw them together that night. I did not love them and the flower arrangements on the table weren't my style, but whatever.
    Start the conversation with yourself that if something doesn't get done, you're just going to let it fly and not get angry with anyone. Assign someone to be the lion in case your venue people piss you off again on the day-of.

    Our ceremony, conversations with friends and family and good music are the ONLY things that I continually come back to from our wedding. Other details, not so much.

    Sorry for the long post. I feel for you so much that you've compelled me to write and vent a little for the first time since my wedding.
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  24. you can definitely do it. Have a big stiff drink and get some zzzz's. Then wake up and try to tackle one thing at a time

    good luck! you can do it!
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  25. britty britty bang bang,

    my love. my dear. i have a card that i bought for you in barcelona. i keep forgetting to send it. i will send it to you TODAY. it will remind you of what's important. and then once again you will smile.

    -sarah marie.
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  26. Aww, I feel you. Get the documents in order, that's your first priority. Then look at everything that you have to do and get rid of the stuff that doesn't really matter. I ditched a few details in the days leading up to our wedding, for my sanity.
    Then have a drink/smoke/whatever and talk with some of your best friends. That should do the trick.
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  27. "Assign someone to be the lion in case your venue people piss you off again on the day-of." In addition to all the wonderful advice you've received thus far, this. My wedding was last month, and the venue people would have made me lose my shit twice the day of, except my lovely maid of a honor is a huge Bitch in the best way, and made them do everything right. I only had to say the word and she was on it.

    Call up those people who haven't RSVP'd yet. (Or better yet, assign someone to do this.) This close to the wedding, they definitely should know by now whether or not they're coming.

    Speaking of assignments, a few weeks before my wedding, because I'm a control freak, I decided to give everyone their assignments for the wedding day ahead of time. I assigned bridesmaids to help me with my dress, and specific tasks for decorating the reception hall. Also more random stuff like who would work on my computer/IPod set-up if it malfunctioned, and who would make sure I continually had alcohol throughout the day. Then, even after sending everyone their task lists a few weeks ahead of time, I printed them off together with the schedule for the day and gave everyone a copy during the rehearsal. I was somewhat afraid people would think I was being super controlling, but instead everyone seemed to be happy to have concrete tasks. Of course if you don't have time to do something like this, definitely don't, but you mentioned being control-freak-like, and for me, knowing somebody was ON IT for every task or duty the day of reeeeaallly helped me not be stressed. Even stuff that I just KNEW I had to supervise, like the decorating of the reception hall, I didn't end up doing because everyone pitched in and did it super fast while I was taking first-look photos with the groom. And instead of stressing about centerpiece placement and what-have-you, I got to be pleasantly surprised instead. All of this is to say, this may help you avoid stress later, but if it stresses you out too much now, fuhgetabouttit.

    And like many other people said, it's totally normal to feel crazy this close to the wedding. I kicked a hole in the wall in my apartment in a moment of wedding rage. That's right - kicked a HOLE in the hallway wall. Barefoot. It sucks because now we have to fix it, but man at the time, that shiz was cathartic. It still makes me giggle when I see it. (At the time it wasn't so funny. I spent over a month working on a hand-painted family tree that I was going to display during the reception. Traced the groom and I back 9 generations. And then with only about 20 minutes left of work to do on it, I spilled black paint all over it. So there was no family tree at my wedding.)

    You will get it done.
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  28. So sorry you are going through all of this; sorry my comment is so late!

    I agree the licence is the most important!
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  29. Deep breath. I know you can do it, you're so close.

    Everyone else has given such great advice here and you're so lucky to have this rock of support.

    Also, you still need someone to film the wedding? I know someone. E-mail me and I'll give you deets.

    jess(dot)bicoastalbride(at)gmail.
    ReplyDelete

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