Hey guys-- Remember Titfield Thunderbolt? My writing partner, bridesmaid, resident Bowie Bride contributor and funny lady? Well, Titfield and I are working on a script that needs your help in the research department. Please read the following, and it you wouldn't mind, leave a comment detailing why and when you decided you were the marrying kind. And if you're not the marrying kind, tell us why too! Thanks so much, friends. We really appreciate all the research help we can get. And we'll be sure to thank you in the credits of the movie! (For reals) ;)
Now Recruiting for Team Titfield!
So I’m wondering now for all you soon-to-be’s and have been for a while brides/grooms, was marriage always in your blueprints? Undoubtedly your views on marriage itself have evolved over time, but has it always been something you knew you wanted to have happen? Did any of you at anytime feel like it was never going to happen and/or “time was running out?” How many of you actively pursued a marriage verses how many had everything fall into place with little effort? And if marriage wasn’t always a life must, what made you change your mind? | Please indulge Miss Thunderbolt with your personal, innermost feelings. Her ears are as open as her top two blouse buttons. And she never judges. Thank you, friends! Britt and I really appreciate it. P.S. Titfield and I may be asking you guys more questions about this in future posts.... as we are currently deep into brainstorming this project and since we have all of you amazing women (and men!) to get intelligent, well-thought out opinions from, we may just be taking advantage of that in the coming months.. hope you don't mind! |
I've always known I wanted to get married. I don't see anything wrong with the decision to have a life partner, but I wanted the sense of permanence and partnership that go along with marriage.
ReplyDeletei knew i was going to get married. i always thought it'd be MUCH MUCH later- like after i'd started a career, etc. but it didn't. things moved really quickly and before i knew it, i was 20 and married. i got married so young, because my husband is a finn and the whole long distance thing wasn't working. i knew we'd either have to get married or break up. and since he was a really good man- like really GOOD- i can't figure out how else to say it except to say that he's a good man- loyal, hard working, a family man- i figured i'd have as much success with him as anyone. plus, i think i wanted an adventure. and getting married and moving across the world seemed like a pretty adventurous idea. i don't think that people, in general, SHOULD get married at 20. i missed my 20's- not that i'd have been wild, anyway- i really am rather boring. but now that i have my two boys- the boys that i love more than everything else in the world combined- i guess i can't wish that things turned out any differently.
ReplyDeleterambling response now over.
I have known for a very long time that I want to get married. My mother, bless her heart, doesn't think I will. She thinks I'm supposed to become a nun, as does my godmother. Sorry ladies, but too many ladies have married Jesus before. I'm a jealous wife-type and I don't want to be sharing my man with anybody so I'm not going to become a sister and I'm not going to be a real-life Big Love type.
ReplyDeleteBut spiritually, emotionally, I think I would feel like I was being true to myself if I had someone to share everything with. Someone to wake up to in the morning and think, "This is a person I will always get to come home to."
I've seen that not all marriages end up working out and some of them shouldn't happen at all; I don't want that sort of love. I want to be able to be with someone who complements me and is not a carbon copy but who also needs a person like me to wake up to in the morning.
Some people I know ask why I would want to get married, when I can just be with someone as long as I can and not worry about making things "legal". And I'm saying, here I have this beautiful chance to build a family with someone and I will do it how I can and in my own way.
I was on the verge of being married once; I think I will get to that point again. For now, I just want to be found because the world doesn't seem right, and I need someone by my side to make it better. I need that partner. I want that closeness.
I suppose that I always knew I was the marrying type; sometimes you can't just pinpoint a day in your life or a time in your life when you realized, "Oh hey hey yes this is for me."
But I always felt that something was missing, that part of my heart wasn't really with me. And over the years I've come to recognize that it's not because I feel like I'm less of a person without a partner; it's because I feel like a truer version of myself, more brave and honest, when I have that in my life.
Here ends the babbling.
I never thought I'd get married. I grew up wanting to date a bunch of d-bags, be a big time something-or-other in the big city, and be a single mother eventually. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteWhen I met my husband 8 years ago...it never crossed my mind that I would ever marry him, even if I did think was the greatest. It wasn't until I lived with him that I knew I wanted to marry him. When you know you can handle another being's idiosyncrasies and inability to clean anything ever, and just be happy being around them all the damn time....well, that's when I knew.
I always knew I was going to get married. My mom was the type that told me when I grew up I was going to find a good man, settle down and have babies. it was forced into my brain since i was a small child. I'm happliy married at 22 and had the wedding I had dreamed about since I was little. maybe i would think about it differently if i wasnt brainwashed but i'm glad that i married my husband. he is the best partner that I could ask for.
ReplyDeleteI am happily married to the mostly wonderfully well suited for me man. I didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t need a government issued piece of paper or an antiquated religious ritual to know that I would spend the rest of my life with him. I didn’t want to join an institution that excludes such a large group of loving individuals. I didn’t want to be known as, “Mrs. His Name” (and for the record I still am not! I’m “Ms. My Name” godammit!). Even after getting married I haven’t changed my mind on any of those things, I still think the government has no place in marriages, that god has nothing to do with marriage, that it is unacceptable that marriage equality doesn’t exist, and hate the assumption that I must give up my identity(name) when I get married. Why did I get married then? I had too. My husband’s family is crazy religious, like doesn’t believe in dinosaurs crazy, where my husband is an atheist. If the tragic ever occurred and my husband was in a situation where he needed “the plug pulled” (which are his wishes) I would be able to do that for him. However if we weren’t married I would have no legal rights, his family would, and they wouldn’t honor his wishes. This is one of the real tragedies of gay marriage not being legal, a couple could be together for 50 years but if one of them got sick the other could be barred from even visiting them in the hospital. So in the end this is why I caved and got married, I wanted to be able to be there for my husband no matter what. People always laugh when I tell them that is why I got married though, they say “ so you married him so you could kill him?”. lol
ReplyDeleteI grew up expecting to be married. My dad's side of the family is Mormon, and I was raised in the church until I was eight. Then things changed. I grew up, went to college, realized I didn't want kids (so why get married went my thought process), and dated a lot of jerks. I gave up on the idea of ever being a part of a healthy couple.
ReplyDeleteCue a long night in a dim bar connecting with a coworker on a level I had never hoped for. Within hours I knew we had SOMETHING. Within days I knew I always wanted to be with this man. Within months we were living together. Over five years later, we're not married -- yet! We've talked about it, but we haven't gotten officially engaged. We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. That feels amazing. The last year or so, we've known that we want to do the marrying thing too. That feels even more awesome still.
I never thought I'd never find someone I could stand being in a relationship with let alone get marry someone. Growing up and all through college, it looked like such hard, awful work with little pay off. I saw all these wonderful women loosing themselves in these d-bags, crying over them, bending over backward for them. I had it in my head that i just wasn't willing to make the kind of sacrifices you were expected to make as a woman to be in a long term relationship.
ReplyDeleteThen I met someone who didn't expect me to sacrifice any part of myself for him, his comfort, or his happiness. It was so easy. I warned him in the beginning that I might freak out and need a lot of space, but since that first week, we've spent almost every single night together. He makes me better. We make each other better. And we have fun all the time, like constantly. It's disgusting. If I weren't us, I would probably hate us.
So I basically wanted to marry this guy two months into the relationship, and now that we're engaged, I'm so excited to plan the shindig of the century!!
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ReplyDeleteI've wanted to be a family man for as long as I can remember. I'd compare myself to the perfect dads and most romantic husbands on TV and movies, and think of how I was going to be even better because I'd improve on their flaws. My ideas evolved quickly, and starting around 7th grade, I began to hear the 8 words I'd grow to loathe... "You're going to make someone so happy someday." These words would usually come from the girls I liked and their friends, single women in their mid/late 20s disappointed with the dating pool, to my brothers' girlfriends who knew I wouldn't make the same mistakes my brothers made. It seemed I knew how to be a great boyfriend, but sucked at the courting/dating part.
ReplyDeleteThe song remained the same until I was 20. Eventually, a friend was able to see past all my romantic awkwardness to eventually get to the devoted boyfriend part. I was on my way to be a perfect husband/dad. I spent everyday of 3 years trying to make my girlfriend as happy as possible. I was even secretly saving money to buy her a house within a few years. I was successful until I had to deal with a life long issue, clinical depression. My mind would always process her best interest before it could even consider my own, so to ensure I didn't bring my love down with me, I initiated breaking up. I would only be with my love IF I was adding to her happiness. At that time, I wasn't, and I couldn't see any improvement in the future, so I proved my love for her was stronger than my desires.
I've been single since, but desired a wife up until last year when I finally dealt with my clinical depression. It' a WHOLE NEW WORLD and I feel so free and happy. As I explore relationships, I realize I can no longer deal with the pressure and stress of being in a loving committed relationship. Every type of relationship in life has it's difficult moments. I build and maintain relationships for my career, so if my romantic relationship adds more pressure, I'd rather be alone enjoying my new found happiness. I hate drama. Understanding I'm a huge "flight risk" these days, it wouldn't be fair for me to be in a romantic relationship. Sometimes love isn't enough and circumstance determines the direction of a relationship. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I also don't want to get hurt. The single life suits me. Maybe something will change in the future, but I'm really enjoying my freedom, so I REALLY doubt it. Plus, I really don't believe in the idea of marriage any more, but this is probably not the right forum for that.
P.S. The Bowie Bride's Wedding was AWESOME!!! I can't compete with that night.
I think that some of these things are instilled in us at an early age. I have always known that I wanted kids, and I have always associated that with a strong marriage. I envision a family unit as one in which you have two people who are committed to each other indefinitely and then you have their children who they devote their lives to and work as a team to bring up to the best of their ability. I still think that being married is an important part of my vision of an ideal parental unit; it adds strength and a promise of stability.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I must say that I have been engaged for over 2 years now and all along the way I wonder why I want to get married. Everyone pushes you and pressures you after you are engaged, especially those precious religious folks who think you are "living in sin" if you are living together and not married. These people make me not want to get married, not because there's no reason, but because it's not that reason.
My parents were high school sweethearts and, in my eyes, they had the perfect marriage. One in which two completely different people balanced each other out exactly. I think this is where my desire to marry comes from. I know that I have good qualities as a person, but my future husband can extend that. Being together for several years has meant that we have grown together and have become like a superhuman. We balance each other out, fill in each other's gaps and make each other want to be better. I think the idea is, two is better than one and marriage just seals the deal.
I was married once in my early 20's. I met him right after I graduated college, and getting married was the next thing on my "to-do" life list. I can't say that he made my heart go pitter-pat, but he had all of my "good on paper" qualities....a job, a house, nice family, friends, and an all around nice person. Sounds like a dream come true, eh? Well, as time went on, I found myself lonely and unfulfilled with the marriage and my life in general. He didn't change, but I did. As I grew as a woman, I found myself branching out more and realizing all of the areas of life that I had missed out on while concentrating so hard on my "to-do" life list. I came to the harsh realization that I had not been living my life at all...I had been following a list of expectations that I had for myself based on what other people wanted for me. So...needless to say, after 2 1/2 years of marriage, I got a divorce.
ReplyDeleteI am 33 now, and have lived more in the past 5 years since my divorce than I have in my whole life. I feel like I have a good handle on who I am and what I need to do to be happy, not what someone else wants me to do and be. The past 5 years have not been easy and all fun by any means, but I have truly let myself experience life, the good, the bad and the ugly : ) I am not sure if I will get married again. Some days I crave the stability of a marriage, other days I remember how suffocating it was the first time around. I just know that if there is a next time of marriage for me, I know that I need a lot more than a man who looks good on paper.
in short, i never ever thought i will be married, just because i´ve got some good relations and bad marriages around me....but...a year and half ago, i just decided i wanna be married with my mister, just because at this time i decided i wanna spend the rest of my life with him.
ReplyDeleteI never wanted to get married. I never saw myself as a big white bridal cupcake. It was never on the agenda. In fact, I still had no desire whatsoever to ever get married when I began dating my fiance. About three months in, something just clicked in my head. I went, "Hey, I'd like to marry this guy." And to this day I have no idea where that came from. But here we are.
ReplyDeletePart of what kept me away from the prospect of getting married was the rampant sexism in the traditional aspects, part of it was my hatred and probably full-fledged phobia of formal events. But I never really stopped to think whether I was against marriage or just the wedding. I think that's what my problem was. I had no issue with being married, it's the getting married part I have no desire for. And still don't, incidentally. Which is making wedding planning just BUCKETS of fun, let me tell you.
So as it turns out, I do want to be married. I'd be lying if I said the perks that come with being legally married weren't a part of that decision. It's also because I like the idea of being actually married to my best friend, being together, bringing out the best in each other, balancing each other, all that good mushy stuff. Of course, there's no reason that couldn't be the case without a legal wedding, but I never claimed to make sense.
I never thought I'd get married. I didn't think I wouldn't get married, marriage just never really occurred to me. I spent my childhood playing "mass" instead of playing "wedding" (it took me a bit as a Catholic girl to realize that women can't be priests in the Catholic church at least, which is still a huge bummer to me). But when I met my husband and we started dating, it all just fell in to place, and marriage was a good fit for us. I love the permanence of it, I love the thought that even if we have a huge fight, he can't just walk out the door and be done with it.
ReplyDeleteI never wanted to get married. Ever. I once told my ex that he ever dared to propose to me, I'd rip his nards off and shove them straight up his pee-hole. I'm a classy broad.
ReplyDeleteI ditched that loser, and a couple more losers after that. I met some dude on an interwebs dating site and a year later I proposed to him by buying myself a new bicycle.
CLASSY, I TELLS YOU. We've been married for three months and I guess I'll keep him.
I have always had a hard time picturing myself taking these life steps that other people take, and never really picture myself old enough to actually get married.
ReplyDeleteI didn't want to get married because I wanted to be different, to stand out as someone who could be happy without being married. And to prove to people that it doesn't have to be another step in life if that is what you choose.
But I did get married, and I really do like it and appreciate it... now I want to stand out from the crowd and never get divorced :)