Monday, April 4, 2011

Stop Apologizing For Your Wedding

Maybe it's just me, but more times than not, when a bride or groom describes their wedding to me, (yes, me in particular) they preface it with, "Our wedding was more low key...." or "Our wedding will be more traditional..."

This has confused me for quite some time.  Why do these couples feel the need to "preface" the description of their wedding?   Is it because they think I hate all weddings that aren't "rock n roll" or "non-traditional" or "cracked out and crazy"?   Or is it not just me, and couples are describing their wedding to everyone in these terms?

I thought more about this and discovered that I do the same exact thing when describing my wedding to other brides and grooms, but in reverse.  I  preface my wedding descriptions with phrases like, "Our wedding was a bit 'out there'..." or "We decided to do things 'differently'..."  And I would make myself and Mike seem like we were very self aware of our craziness, to the point where I felt the need to "apologize" for said craziness. And why, you ask, would I do this?  Because our wedding was starkly a non-traditional, no-rules kind of affair.  And I didn't want more traditional brides and grooms to think I was nuts and/or hated and frowned upon anyone who was more traditional than I.  Because contrary to the vibe you may have gotten while reading this blog, I in fact, am a lover of all weddings.  Sure, you may think of me as the poster wife for non-traditional weddings and that I tend to gravitate towards the stranger side of the wedding aisle, but that in no way makes me a hater of weddings that don't take my same approach.  I love all weddings because I love love.  And I believe in love.  No matter how you choose to express it.

So, GO.  Go be you.  Plan the wedding you want.  And don't preface its description to anyone.  Not even to your grandma.  Don't let anyone or anything make you NOT proud of the wedding you are pouring your heart into planning.  Otherwise we are merely perpetuating the notion that weddings have to be one way or the highway.  And that shit needs to stop, yo.

*Photo by Nicole Polk Photography


  1. This is so well put, Britt! Awesome post. We really encourage our couples to plan for them, not for anyone else...

  2. i like this post a lot! i feel compelled to apologize to people because we're not having a wedding. no once can wrap their minds around the fact that 1) we're broke and 2) our parents are not going to foot the bill. sorry, kiddos-- it's the courthouse and pancakes for us!

  3. i STILL apologize for our wedding (SEVEN YEARS AGO!), explaining why it was so small, and why we could only invite such a small number of people. that's crazy, right?!

  4. OH MY GOD my sister-in-law needs to read this. She keeps saying over and over how "different" her wedding will be and how it will be "nothing like" what we (her brother and I) did. She says it as if she's, well, apologizing. For what, I have no idea. And if you asked her she would vehemently disagree that she's apologizing, but she is. I kind of want to tell her a.) no, your beach wedding really isn't that different from the 100s of other beach weddings I've seen on blogs, and b.) who gives a shit?

    Wow...guess I really needed to get that out. Anyway, great post. So on point (as always). Love you.

  5. Hello, Ms. (er.. Mrs) inspirational and empowering blogger. You rock hardcore.

  6. I think you hit on the reason when you said "I didn't want anyone to think I hated/frowned on anyone who was more traditional."
    Weddings are so personal, and such a personal expression that it's hard to talk about doing something different from someone else without feeling like you're insulting them for their choices.

    The same thing happens with new parents. It's kind of funny to listen to someone fall all over themselves to explain why they do or don't use cloth diapers or let their kids watch TV, etc.

  7. Agreed! Our wedding was very much "out there," too, and my more conservative relatives are still raving about it six months later as the "best wedding ever!" We made no apologies, and were true to ourselves. We celebrated our love and had a wedding that was so us, as we were told again and again all night.

    Just be yourself, and have FUN!

  8. Rock on! Just found this blog, and I love this post. That's so true, and honestly, for a lot of things beyond weddings too - don't apologize for the decisions you make, don't apologize for being yourself. :) I also love Britt's honest & sweet love of all weddings - so true and I whole heartedly agree. I love love too!

  9. wow... this was exactly what i needed to read. the boy and i are getting married super-budget styles (i'm a new grad and he's a student), and without even realizing it i've been apologizing about it to EVERYONE. despite the fact that even if we had money, the finished project wouldn't be much different. maybe with more food.

    every sentence goes "well, we're not doing a TYPICAL wedding... it's kinda small and it's going to be a saturday morning, garden-party type thing". and every time i end it with a question mark, like i'm seeking approval or something.

    thanks for the wakeup call.

  10. I totally agree, do it your way dont have to use hand-me-down ideas, or be forced to use something someone else has told you is acceptable.

    do it your way...all the way