Dick Suit Bachelorette Party

I'm sure about 75% of you only came to this page because you read the words "Dick Suit" and wanted to see just what the fuck I was alluding to.  Don't worry.  You won't be disappointed.  You wanted a dick suit, you will get a dick suit.  But first, the back story.

My long time friend Jessica is getting married soon and for her bachelorette party, her rad as hell mom got us gals a limo to cart our drunk asses all over Los Angeles for an evening of utter debauchery.

When I arrived at Jessica's house at the start of the party, I saw a plastic package sitting on the couch that showcased a picture of a life-sized, fully erect fabric penis with a man's shit-eating grin peaking through the head (literally the head of the penis).

In reaction to this odd package, I said to Jessica, "So, uh, what's with the flesh suit over there, eh?"   And Jessica coyly replied with, "Oh, I'll be wearing that tonight."  To which I replied with, "HOLYSHITYOUAREAWESOME and HOLYSHITAREYOUSERIOUS?"

To which she replied, "Not only am I serious about wearing this dick suit to the bar tonight, but I am also 100% serious that all of YOU will be wearing this same dick suit to the bar too."

To which I replied, without hesitation, "You're fuckin right I'm wearing that dick suit to the bar tonight!"

You see, some brides ask their girlfriends to wear matching bridesmaids outfits for their weddings.  And other brides ask them to wear dicksuits.  Having someone tell me that I am to wear a dick suit to a bar, no exception is a dream come true.  No joke.  When I was in that dick suit, I felt more empowered than I had felt in a long time.  I was on fire.  Unstoppable.

Basically the plan was that every girl in attendance would have to wear the suit to one bar each.  And being a person who always adheres to the theme of the party (and the requests of the host, naturally) I was in like motherfucking flynn.

Jessica, the bachelorette, was the first in the suit.  Keep in mind that we were in the middle of Hollywood for this, so everyone's attention was pointed at us.

Getting out of the limo.

The dick suit has entered the building... Beauty Bar, to be exact. 

The Dick Suit Crew

Then it was my turn in the dick suit. And since we were at a karaoke bar, I ended up singing "Don't Stop Believin'" IN THE DICK SUIT. 

You guys, I am telling you that there is something strangely empowering about wearing a penis costume in public and fucking owning it.  Everyone was laughing at me, sure, but it was out of complete respect for being silly and not caring AT ALL.  We were the stars at every place we went to. 

Liz is literally fighting with the karaoke host, trying to get him to let her sing a song.  He wasn't having it.  I asked Liz, "What was that guy's fucking problem?" To which Liz replied, "I was in a fucking dick suit..." After my perforance in the dick suit, the MC wasn't allowing any more of it. It was hilarious.

The last bar we went to was a fucking blast.  The second we walked in there and one of us was wearing the dick suit, a group of about 10 chicks spent a solid 20 minutes taking pictures with us and the suit.  Then it was onto the dance floor for some serious shake-age. And we ended the night with a slow dance between the bachelorette and the dick... it was beautiful...

Thank you for being a radder than rad bride, Jess. Your bachelorette party blew every other bachelorette party out of the water.  Like an Olympics-caliber cum-shot.