What the hell is a Junior Bridesmaid?

And why do they need a special title?  'Cause 4.5 years ago, when we first got engaged, and my little sister was 12 years old at the time, it never *once* crossed my mind that she wouldn't be my bridesmaid because she was a lot younger than the other girls. And it also never *once* crossed my mind that she would need to be called a "Junior Bridesmaid" just because of her age.  Ridiculous. Every supposed "duty" a junior bridesmaid is expected to perform pretty much mirrors that of a full grown bridesmaid.  Well, save for this one (via The Knot. Of course): "While junior bridesmaids are not expected to give showers, they should plan to attend and help out with cleaning up, favormaking, and more."

This pic creeps.me.out

Really? Do we really need to point out that a 12 year old isn't expected to plan and execute a bridal shower?  I mean, that shit goes without saying, right? So can we please stop with this "junior" business?  Your bridesmaids ain't Barbie, and they sure as hell ain't Skipper. Regardless of age, they are your chosen bridesmaids. End of story.

image source

And what if a bride wanted to have her grandma in her wedding party? Would we then have to call her  Senior Bridesmaid? Or Long in the Tooth Bridesmaid?  Oooo, what set of arbitrary rules can we come up with for her!?!? I've got one! "Senior Bridesmaid will be expected to not kick the bucket before the ceremony is over."

And, faaaaaaart.

Defining "Wedding Party": Friends & Siblings, or Bitches & Monkey Boys?

 More titillating Tales from the tantalizing Titfield Thunderbolt... single lady living in the city, illustrious member of our wedding party, and the only person I know who can pull off wearing an "Annie" wig.  Check out her 1st guest post here, if you missed it. Take it away, Titfield...

When Bowie Bride asked me to be in her wedding, I was honored. Truly. It means so much to be able to stand up with the Bowie Bride and Groom as they official cement their lives. And I am genuinely excited about every part of this adventure, something I can’t say about every wedding I’ve been asked to be in. Here’s why:

1. Bowie Bride’s not ranking her attendants
But rather, it’s going to be a general wedding party, where we all get to stand and vouch for the couple. We are all equally important in their lives. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard of horror stories of friends/family getting upset over the chosen maid of honor or best man. I think this is so petty and an awful lot of pressure to put on the bride and groom. Who just has one person they call their top dog? And what about the whole mess of the best friend who makes you her maid of honor, but when it comes time for your own wedding, you know you want your own flesh and blood sister? Kudos to Bowie Bride for loving us all equally.

2. Bowie Bride’s not making me spend $200 on a bridesmaid dress that I’ll wear for a couple hours Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, we’ll do anything for our beloved bride and groom to be, but come on, take into consideration what your wedding party can actually afford. Most of us are too polite and in no position to put the kibosh on your plans for strapless, peach-colored satin bridesmaid dresses from David’s Bridal with a price tag of $250. I’ve also been in a wedding where we could wear whatever dress we wanted, as long as it was black. I thought this was also a practical idea.

2a. Bowie Bride’s letting us choose our own outfits
I am particularly excited about this. Bowie Bride has a loose theme and has sent us ideas and pictures to get our creative juices flowing. But her main objective is for us to feel 100% comfortable in our own skin. Because Bowie Bride knows if you’re comfortable, you’re going to be confident. And if you’re confident, you’re going to shine. And isn’t that the point of friendship? To help your loved ones shine their shiniest? (Especially if they’re single and ready to mingle!)

3. Bowie Bride’s not making us get our hair/makeup/nails done
To expect anyone to do this, is absurd. Period.

4. Bowie Bride does not have a rude ‘tude
Remember that birthday party you went to when you were a kid and the birthday girl was so obnoxious because she thought since it was her special day she could boss people around? Yeah, don’t be that girl. Yes, it’s your day and it’s all about you. But you should be glowing with happiness not power.

So brides and grooms, as a current and former wedding party member, I ask you this: Please keep in mind that weddings can be a lot of pressure all around. It can be a lot to ask someone to be in your wedding. Yes, it’s a once in a lifetime event, and we love you and want to help you and be there for you in every way. But money does add up, quickly. Because let’s face it, today weddings aren’t just weddings. You have the wedding shower, the bachelor/bachelorette party, the wedding gift, the wedding outfit, the logistics of travel and lodging, and all the little expenditures that come up here and there.

All of this has always been optional with the Bowie Bride, which is why the whole Bowie Wedding has been and will be an enjoyable experience. She has made it clear from the get-go that she does not want her friends to feel pressured to follow pricey and ridiculous traditions. I could show up a minute before the ceremony in a nude, crotchless body suit and Bowie Bride and Groom would be thrilled that I was there to share their special day. And that’s what it comes down to, having your loved ones surrounding you with their positive energy to help create a beautiful union. Don’t lose sight of that. It should be an enjoyable for all involved.

What ways have you made life easier for your wedding party? What are some horror stories you have from being in a wedding? What are you pleasant experience you’ve had from being in weddings?

Cheap, Romantic, Vintage-Inspired Clothing Line? Yes Please!

Ok. Say what you will about Forever 21, but you know you all go there when you need a cheap, hot dress in a pinch. So for that reason, and because I enjoy cheap clothes that aren't boring, I thought I'd share their new line with you called, "Boutique Forever 21". It's not available yet, but here's a sneak peak. I think it looks super cute. And since we've got a bunch of holiday-related events coming up that I do NOT want to break the bank on, I may be hittin up Forever 21's new vintage-inspired line. Oh, and I want this bitch's hairstyle too:

What do you guys think?

Will You Like, Be in Our Wedding Party 'n Stuff?

Ah, yes. The time has come to ask our friends to be in our wedding. Over the last couple of months I have been pondering a way to ask them. The trend all over bride blogland is to ask them in a more formal and official way - like with a cool card, or an arts 'n craftsy project or some shiz. But I don't know, man. Something tells me that my friends wouldn't really give two hoots about a personalized card or art project asking them to be in our wedding party. These are the people who've held my hair while throwing up in an alley - they would NEVER ask for a 'formal or official' anything from us. Don't get me wrong, they are the people nearest and dearest to Mike and I (truly they are), so making them something would certainly be worth my time. But dude, really? Do we really gotta worry about one more arts and crafts project? We already have over 15 head-exploding DIY projects lined up. I can't handle another.

So, we've since pondered this option and decided not to rock the whole personalized wedding party proposal idea. Instead, we did it the old fashioned way: straight up asked 'em. It went a little something like this:

Ryan: Hey, Britt, when's the wedding again?
Britt: July 31, 2010. And oh yeah, you're IN the wedding. Cool?
Ryan: DONE.
Britt: Awesome.

Here's how we asked our other college friends:

Britt: (finishes hearty beer swig) Oh yeah I forgot! Hey, dudes - will you guys be in our wedding party? You can wear whatever the EFF you want.
Laura/Dave/Steve/Kate: Sweet, yeah, sounds good.
Britt: Sweet. (looks at watch) Oh, sh-t we better get to the bar before last call!

It was already implied that my sisters and Mike's sister would be in it. And already implied that both our best friends would be in it. So that about covers it - except for two more - both of which we will have similar discussions with in the very near future. Steve and Chris, I'm talkin' to you. So if you're reading this, get ready for a very informal phone call. Or simply respond 'yes' or 'no' in the comments below. I'm not even kidding. (LOL).

So yeah. That's that. Easy Cheesy. I guess my advice is this: You and you alone are the ONLY entity that cares about how your friends are asked to be in your wedding party. TRUST ME. No one is going to say this: "Hmmm, I don't know, Britt. I was reeeeaaaally hoping for a string of paper dolls in matching dresses." Not gonna happen.

So if you're feeling overwhelmed with the DIY projects, I'm here to tell you that this is one project you can LET GO. If you're stressed about it in the very least, just say, 'eff it.' Your friends will be in your wedding party because they love you. Not because you spend 4 hours writing a crappy poem that ultimately asks them a 'no sh-t' question that will receive a 'yes of course' answer. Chances are, if you're close enough to ask 'em to stand by you on your wedding day, then I think they will say, "YES." Without hesitation. ESPECIALLY if you're like us and not making them wear stiff tuxes and taffeta monstrosities.

And yeah yeah don't get me wrong, I'm totally down for being creative in all aspects - which OF COURSE includes asking your buds to be in your wedding party. So don't think this is a diss post. I'm just sayin' that this is one DIY project that's OK to let go of in my book.

Did you ask your groomsmen/bridesmaids in a unique way?

Bridesmaids For Hire (Whaaa??)

This is a whole new brand of "weird." I found an article that showcases some of the strangest Craigslist ads ever put up. One of which was an ad for "hiring bridesmaids." Check it out below:

Looking for Bridesmaids - w4w

---

Date: 2009-02-27, 8:53PM CST

---

So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't matter....you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing.

Don't you guys think the tradition has lost it's meaning at this point? If you get to the point where you're following tradition solely because "that's the way it's always been done," then the tradition seems absolutely meaningless. All this couple had to do was step back and say, "Let's just have one person on each side, or have no wedding party, or suck it up and have uneven sides, or ask our family to step up or have some of the groom's guys stand on the bride's side." Instead, this woman is willing to have STRANGERS stand up at her wedding. And for what? Oh, yeah, so her wedding party can look "HOT" - but of course not hotter than her...Ugh.

This is looney, right?

(image source)

All the Single Ladies...AND Single Lads

(source)

We are having ONE unified wedding party - not defined by gender. So no bridesmaids, no groomsmen - just one group of individuals that mean the most to us, standing together in unmatched clothing, belonging not specifically to me, or to Mike - but belonging to US.

So if we are blurring the gender lines with our wedding party, then I’m thinkin’ we need to blur the gender lines with everything else, namely the BOUQUET TOSS.

I LOATHE the idea behind the bouquet toss. This is what it feels like to me: Bride says, “Attention all single, desperate women! Maybe you’ll have a shot in hell at getting married too if you catch this pile of flowers I’m gonna hurl at your head! But, oh wait - it’s not gonna be that easy. You’re gonna have to fight off 20 other crazy bitches to get to it! Good luck!” And since the winner of the toss is going to need a guy to marry anyway, why not insult her even more by offering up a free eHarmony membership!

Ugggh.

They RIPPEd it apart!

I love the girl with no shoes on. Clearly this was a good strategy...

Ummm. Are they actually harassing a child in this picture?

Just look at all those jealous smiles in the background...

However, I do have a small confession to make… Every single wedding I have ever attended, I have participated in the bouquet toss. Yeah, yeah I know, hypocrite, whatever. But hear me out. There’s just something about the toss that makes me laugh. It’s like inserting a small tackle football game in the midst of a formal occasion. The second the ‘players’ get out on the ‘field’ they turn into hungry, ruthless, I’m-gonna-get-u-bitch, crazy people. At one wedding, I actually saw a woman push another woman out of the way so that she could dive for the bouquet. How awesomely nutso is that?? Awesome because it was like watching a trainwreck. Nutso because she actually believed that catching the bouquet would make her next in line to walk down the aisle. I’m into the idea of inviting our guests to participate in a fun little game of catch the bouquet, but I’m not down with the meaning behind it. So what to do?

Oh and we’re not doing the garter toss thing. I’m not even wearing a one. That ‘garter’ came off a loooong time ago, kids. Let’s get serious here.

So, in conclusion, this is what we have decided to do about the bouquet toss. Instead of singling out the single LADIES, we are going to invite everyone, boys included, to participate in the toss. I don’t care if you’re single, married, divorced, separated, or a freakin’ polygamist. Everyone’s gonna fight for the bouquet and it’s going to be HILARIOUS. My dad battling Mike’s grandma… My cousins trash talking Mike’s cousins… I can just feel the playful hostility now! Hey - maybe it will turn into a game of hot potato! Or maybe instead of tossing the bouquet once, we can try an alternative. We could play a song, and during that song the guests will toss the bouquet back and forth between everyone, and whoever has the bouquet when the song ends is the winner! Perhaps the winner could get a prize! The possibilities are endless here. We just have to get creative.

What are your ideas for bouquet toss alternatives? And what other wedding traditions have you guys changed to fit you and your partner’s style?

picture sources: toss 1, toss 2, toss 3, toss 4

Alternative Names for Your Wedding Party

There are so many weird and creepy reasons behind why wedding traditions exist. One I've never understood (of many) is the whole bridesmaids have to be women, groomsmen have to be men thing. Maybe it's never been a hard and fast RULE per say...but more often than not, I see this tradition being upheld.

Well we're not hoppin' on that train. Hells to the no. I have man-friends. Mike has lady-friends. This isn't the 1950s, folks.

So we solved that issue. But then there was the question of sides. We have a lot of mutual friends, so how do we decide who goes where? At first, the decision was a bit of a struggle - "No! I want him on my side," "But you get to have her on your side" blah blah blah DUMB blah.

Girls on the right. Boys on the left. Rules, rules, rules.
(source)

Then we were like, "Well how bout NO wedding party." Then we quickly ruled that out, as we would feel regret had we not had our closest homies up there with us.

So in conclusion, Mike and I have decided to forgo the whole distinction of who is on whose side altogether. Our wedding party will not be defined by gender. There will be no 'sides'. Our party could be doing a cheerleading pyramid behind us for all I care - but there will be no talk of who belongs to who and where and why and how and WHAT-the-eff-EVER. There will be one party. One group. One hoard. One LOVE.

We have yet to come up with the right title for this unified wedding party of ours, but I've come up with a few ideas - some are a little out there, but as usual I'm going to ask that you 'go with it'. These are suggestions for anyone who is having similar issues with titles. Perhaps you guys can weigh in...give a gal a little direction...? Pretty please?

• Bridal Band
• The Con-glom
• The Menagerie (for you animal lovers out there...)
  
• Party People (I'm liking this one...hmm...)
• Bridal Bevy
• The Coven (for all you Twi-hards. Yep, *guilty*)
• The Mob
• Roadies (for a rock n roll affair)
  
• Support Staff
• Cohorts
  
• Well-wishers
• Pillars of Strength (You can call them POS's for short to be funny - get it? Pieces of sh*t! Annnnd cue fart sound)
• <Insert Bride and Groom's names or initials> Enthusiasts (Ours would be: M and B Enthusiasts)
• Bridal Junkies (for all you drug users out there. Ok yeah I'm kidding)
• Partners in Crime (P-I-C's, yo!)
• Allies
• Comrades
• Bridal Buds
• Heroes (had to throw in a Bowie reference...)
• The Spiders From Mars (and another...)
• Bodyguards
• Chaperones (Don't we all want to be reminded of our high school dance days? Hmm, maybe not so much)
  
• Entourage
• The Wedding Train
• The Convoy
• Friends of Honor
• Homies of Honor (Call 'em your HOH's. Yeah, son!)
  
• Cronies
• Bosom Buddies
• Honorable Mates
  
• The Bridal-mobile (too far? No. Too dumb)
• The Wedding F*cks (ha. I funny)
  

Ok, I'm fresh outta ideas. Pick one of these, or suggest something - I don't care how out there it is. Anyone else use a different name for you wedding party and/or groomsmen/bridesmaids? Anyone forgo the tradition altogether?