19 Days.

I haven't had my hair trial yet because I haven't received my veil. And I haven't decided what the hell I am actually going to wear in my hair. Headband? Hair flower? Fuck if I know. AND I made the stupid mistake of buying two headpieces I can't return. A headband that I paid 80 bucks for that doesn't match my dress. And I don't even know if I am going to like the $120 hair flower/veil combo I bought (that I will also not be able to return once I receive it). So I am hoping and praying (and I don't pray, people) that it will be ok.

We haven't put the iPod playlists together yet. Mike has informed me this won't be done until the WEEK OF THE WEDDING. I am freaking out.

I still need to find someone to film the ceremony.

We still don't have candles, tea lights, or white light strings. We need to completely light the garden area for dancing. Otherwise it will be too dark.

I still don't know what color hair I want to have. I just dyed it brown with hints of  auburn and I don't think I like it.  There is no way I am not going to get used to it by the time the wedding rolls around. And it makes me feel "not me." And I certainly don't want that to be the case. And this hair makes me look paler than I already am -- which is pretty damn pale.

Which leads me to my next frustration: I'm still pale as fuck. And I don't want to tan. Or apply tanner. Or have to worry about that shit. But I don't want to be this pale. GRRRRRRRR.

I hate my J. Crew earrings. I can't return them.

My dress doesn't fit right.

Our venue fucked us. And we have to come up with a whole new set up for the reception and the ceremony.

We haven't written our vows yet and our officiant needs to be sent the script.

Mike still hasn't started crafting the beer bottle chandeliers.

We still need to get the marriage license.

Our original rehearsal dinner location is temporarily closed down, and completely unable to host us.  Oh, and did I mention they failed to actually call us and tell us that bit of news?  Yeah. We wouldn't have found out had we not tried to go to happy hour there last weekend.  So we had to find another place last minute. A place that we will have to cab to instead of walk to.

I'm having trouble letting go of the responsibility. It's Mike's turn to do the bulk of the work, but I have been so deep into the planning of it for the last 11.5 months that it is difficult for me to trust anyone with the vision I originally wanted executed. For example, we were going to order bundt cakes for the dessert table. And Mike thought it was outrageous that we wouldn't pre-cut the bundt cakes. And I told him that I would like the dessert table to look pretty for pictures, and that we should wait to cut the cakes. And he just didn't understand that. And it pissed me off because he didn't voice this concern to me months ago. He's just now swooping in at the 11th hour, making decisions about things I decided a long time ago -- decisions that he willingly left up to me. And it's frustraing.

We're still waiting for A LOT of RSVPs.

I have this looming fear that Mike won't get his passport renewed in time for the honeymoon. He claims he can go into the passport office and get one last minute, but I hate doing things last minute.  And if I don't get my Mexican honeymoon vacation away from this craziness, I might blow a gasket.

My home is being eaten alive by crafts.

I can't sleep.

I have a pounding headache.

And I have super puffy eyes from my crying meltdown last night.


I don't know if I can do this.

I Just Had a Complete Meltdown

Like balling my eyes out, screaming, punching the wall kind of shit. 

I cannot even fathom trying to make this post all pretty and shiny -- so I'm just going to type. Bear with me.

1. The venue: We showed up there today and they decided to permanently alter the layout of the inside without telling us. They added walls -- WALLS.  Walls that divide the dinner area.  Walls that will certainly change the layout of the tables and cocktail tables.  Secondly, we were supposed to have our guests enter the ceremony garden through venue's gallery that's right nextdoor. WELL. Surprise, surprise: They fucking sold that gallery to some other asshole, walled it up, and now there's no entrance from that building into the garden.  We have to enter through the place we will have the tables -- which also fucks up our aisle design for the ceremony. I understand this is difficult to get without a visual, but trust me, these changes to the venue -- CHANGES THAT WE WERE NOT TOLD ABOUT -- are fucking up our original plan. Oh, and did I mention that our contact at the venue -- the person who is supposedly running the show became a new person, then that person became another new person, and then THAT person became a totally different person -- AGAIN, without them telling us. And without a smooth transition between employees. I didn't know til today who our new contact was.  I don't even know who the fuck we're supposed to go to with questions or concerns. They never answered my emails. Every time I would visit the venue they didn't know I even had an appointment (which we did. every time). I am so fucking frustrated right now I could rip someone's nuts off with one swift pull.

The area we would have chosen to marry in:

Directly to the right of this area is where the guests now have to enter -- meaning we would have to have the world's shortest aisle, or we would have to make it swoop around, which could end up looking fucking ridiculous. 

Here are the options for areas we could place the "altar" (so that we can have an actual wall):

Still cool, but damn. I had my heart set om the first pic.

The other corner. The cement wall isn't my favorite... but it will do.

Minus the grill, I really dig the rustic looking grate with the vine flower backdrop on the brick.

It is a damn good thing Mike and I are having a flexible layout for the venue -- because I will tell you right now, had we NOT been able to be flexible, there would be some hell to pay.  And let's not forget they have other weddings booked there that may NOT be as flexible as we are. So if the venue wants to treat their clients who paid fucking good money to rent their space out with respect, then they need to make dam sure they TELL US WHEN THEY CHANGE SOMETHING WE ALREADY PAID FOR.

On to shit problem #2:

2. My dress. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. There are three problems I am having with it (only three you say? FML). The first is that my boobs FLY out of the dress -- just by lifting my arms.  One raise of the hand and it's hello, titties.  Which is so not cool. And I just tried out some double stick tape I got at Victoria's Secret, and that shit ain't holding in nothin. Secondly, the waist of the dress cuts into my skin more than I would like. And finally, the back of the dress at the waist bubbles up and it won't lay flat. I am livid. I am crazy out of my mind upset that I didn't take care of these problems earier, at my last fitting, but in the moment, everything about the dress felt ok. So I honestly thought it fit nicely. But now I am CERTAIN it needs to be altered. There is no way I am walking down that aisle in fear of my tits popping out. Nope. Sorry. Won't do it.

There's so much more shit that I am worried about and need to vent about, but I am exhausted, and need to not write about weddings anymore right now.

Sorry for the blogdump. Hope everyone else's wed-planning is going better than mine.

Dear Mainstream Wedding World: I'm Checking Out.

And by Mainstream Wedding World, I mean The Knot & everyone else who is like The Knot. Which sucks, because I like to straddle both sides of the wedding horse... take a dip in the offbeat world and the traditional world... mostly because I believe ALL weddings are special and beautiful and deserve my respect as a wedding blogger. And because the online wedding community as a whole has inspired me in so many ways - even the posts and articles I don't necessarily agree with. But then I read this comment on my DIY bouquet post:

o.O Those are... kinda ugly. To me anyway. I would never buy one. But I guess if other people like them... kudos to them xD 

Gee. Thanks.  First of all, I'm not selling these things. I have no interest in going into the craft business. I'm just your average, everyday A-hole who couldn't afford real flower bouquets, so I made them myself.  And as much as I'd like to say this comment doesn't hurt me, it totally does. I worked my balls off on these things. And sure. They aren't perfect.  But I'd like to point out that calling someone's wedding decor "UGLY" is just flat-out ridiculous. And immature. And mean. And totally uncalled for. And it makes me question why I ever wanted anything to do with the "Mainstream Wedding World" in the first place. They clearly don't have room for my "crazy ideas" or my supposed "poor taste" in decor. They block me on Twitter for reasons I don't (and frankly, they don't) understand. AND they send me holier than thou articles on etiquette practically every week - articles that would alienate any bride who was even slightly left of center.  I feel like I have been nothing but supportive and kind to my fellow wedding bloggers and wedding websites since day one. I don't care if you are a staunch traditionalist or a couple who takes a ceremonial bong-rip after your I Do's. I have sincerely tried to love and respect EVERYONE no matter what.  I have entered their contests, retweeted their posts, commented on their boards, encouraged fellow brides when they're down, been a loyal reader and follower, but I still get called "ugly" and I still get blocked on Twitter. So the only thing left for me to do is cut myself off from everyone who doesn't show respect for me the way I show respect for them. SO! Goodbye, Knot. Goodbye, Project Wedding. Goodbye, Weddingbee.  I'm just done trying to be your friend.


Would you call my DIY bouquet "ugly"?  To my face?  And even if you DO think it's ugly, are you going make a point of it and tell me in the comments below?  Have at it!

Made WITH LOVE by moi

Pissed off? Tired of all this wedding bullshit? Play this!

Idon'tfuckingcareIdon'tfuckingcareIdon'tfuckingcareanymoreIdon'tfuckingcareIdon'tfuckingcare--I DON'T FUCK-ING CARE ANYMOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!

Who feels better?!

Wedding Depression

I've had a very emotional week. Filled with wedding ups (a really, really awesome UP in particular that I promise to share once I'm feeling less melancholy).  But I've also experienced some wedding downs. And it's times like these when I wish I was an anonymous blogger. Because I need to vent.  But I won't. I'll just write this really cryptic post because it's the only thing that's making me feel better right now.

THE END.

source

Fuck Weddings

Seriously. Who do we think we are?  As if there couldn't be anything more selfish than throwing your own extravagant birthday party, we've gone ahead and spent AN ENTIRE YEAR planning the ultimate, vomit-inducing US-FEST: Our fucking goddman wedding.  A night that's basically a "fuck you" to all our friends who are single, and to all our gay friends who aren't given the legal right to marry, and to all our friends who don't believe in marriage but will "make an exception for us."

I mean, we're asking at least 70 people to travel out of state, pay for two nights of hotel, and transportation to and from LAX... just to kiss our ass and say congrats on our legal, heterosexual marriage.

Well I say fuck that.  

Weddings ain't cheap, yo.  I'm STILL paying off the money I spent to go to friends' weddings from 3 years ago.  I'm broke, son. Bitch ain't gonna lie on this one.  So to everyone who can't come, or don't want to come to our wedding for whatever reason, THEN COOL. Seriously. I get it.  Weddings are expensive, heterosexual, asshole parades that should only be attended for the free booze, food, and killer dance party. Oh, and if you're related to me or like, really care about Mike and me becoming eternal partners (hahahahahahahahahahahaha), you may not want to miss the wedding. But for everyone else, it's up to you. Seriously. Take the money you would have spent on our wedding and feed your family. It's ok, I promise we won't be hurt.

Don't get me wrong, I know why I want to publicly marry my guy, but that in no way requires you to witness that desire. Well, unless you have a an extreme yearn to dance full-out to Phil Collin's tunes at the reception. Then you better make an appearance.